Monday, September 29, 2003

This might be the answer from the many answers.
Total extraction from the article below.
"Apabila individu itu benar benar mencintai seseorang itu atas sifat-sifat di dalam diri seseorang.....ia lebih ke arah sifat mengkagumi untuk memilikinya tanpa syak dan was-was akan kebaikan, keimanannya dan keutuhan pendirian seseorang itu. Jika ia benar-benar memahami konteks iman didalam percintaan yang terbina di dalam dirinya, daya tarikan ke arah cabaran cabaran cinta luaran murahan yang mendatang tidak bisa menembusinya. Maka tidak ada dua, tiga atau ke empat sikap jatuh cinta di dalam satu masa."
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/29/2003 01:13:00 AM

Apakah erti cinta dalam Islam?
Total extraction from an e-mail...It's lonnggg...but worth reading...trust me. I read it and learnt from it. Nana for you...:)

ROMANTIK, CARING, SENTIMENTAL VALUE, SEHATI SEJIWA, FANTASTIC...SEMUANYA HANYALAH PLASTIK !

Melibatkan diri dalam perhubungan erat yakni dunia percintaan yang lebih kearah nilai - nilai di atas semuanya adalah retorik atau tiada pengertian cinta hakiki sebenarnya. Cinta di atas lebih ke arah kepada rangsangan nafsu yang di salah erti kerana perhubungan persahabatan yang rapat dan terbuai oleh dodoian perasaan. Sebab hakikat percintaan yang di benarkan oleh Islam ialah asas daya tarikan kepada kewarakan seseorang yang menjadi tarikan kepada cinta bersyariatkan islam. Kebanyakan persahabatan yang lebih bermotifkan memikat sememangnya lebih ke arah sentimental value yakni lebih kepada pemberian hadiah tidak kira apa jua barangnya...jika tidak berminat, masakan nak mengorbankan wang kepada seseorang ....romantik pada dasarnya adalah bukan satu prinsip di dalam islam ....bagaimanakah akan wujudnya hubungan romantik sekiranya mereka tidak berhubungan atas alasan kalau hanyalah melalui asas pendekatan Islam.??

Cinta di dalam Islam sebenarnya tiada hubungan romantik atau caring atas alasan jika benar benar pencinta pencinta yang memahami corak Islam lebih ke arah menulis peringatan peringatan Allah yang senantiasa takutkan kemurkaan Allah di dalam konteks cara perhubungan walaupun mungkin tidak pernah berdating.... Malah orang yang bercinta di dalam bentuk syariat Islam takut untuk berhubungan secara menulis.......kerana was-was dengan keupayaan menahan bentuk luahan hati yang akan menimbulkan zina hati. Malah orang yang benar-benar beriman takut untuk berhubungan melalui telefon atau kaedah bercakap yang penuh lemah lembut dalam bentuk hubungan lain seperti chat kerana biasanya kekerapan hubungan percakapan lebih kearah tidak tertapis dan bisa menggoda
keimanan dengan rasa rindu dengan suara dan gurauan sehingga akhirnya membuat tautan rasa cinta asmara dana bermula kecuali bagi mereka yang benar-benar tidak ada masalah hati..itu pun boleh menjadi satu bentuk perhubungan awalan jika tidak di sekat.

Semakin kerap berhubung akan menjadikan semakin rapat perhubungan dan akhirnya tanpa mengimbangkan kewarasan akal dan lebih mementingkan perasaan dan nafsu akhirnya menjerumus kepada kefahaman itulah cinta yang sebenarnya. Kerana atas dasar apa ???...rasa rindu yang amat sangat............sedangkan hakikat rindu yang sebenar ialah rindukan Allah...orang yang beriman dapat menangkis ketahanan rindu apabila asas cinta benar benar berlandaskan iman.

Bukankah di dalam Islam sendiri sudah menggaris pandu corak meminang wanita....tetapi anak-anak muda dewasa ini lebih suka kepada bercinta dan mencari cinta......dan mencari masalah di dalam konteks perhubungan cinta dan akhirnya terjebak di dalam lautan cinta yang memabukkan. Cinta berasaskan Islam ialah cintakan kebaikan, keimanan dan keutuhan pendirian kerana ia adalah asas kepada tiang pengukuhan iman di hari depan. Malah cinta di dalam Islam lebih ke arah rasa hormat, malu dengan kewarakan responden kerana itu lah cinta hakiki yang tidak boleh di jual beli. Malah malu untuk berkata-kata di sebalik kata-kata yang tidak sepatutnya.

Apabila individu itu benar benar mencintai seseorang itu atas sifat-sifat di dalam diri respondennya.....ia lebih ke arah sifat mengkagumi untuk memilikinya tanpa syak dan was-was akan kebaikan, keimanannya dan keutuhan pendirian responden. Jika ia benar-benar memahami konteks iman didalam percintaan yang terbina di dalam dirinya, daya tarikan ke arah cabaran cabaran cinta luaran murahan yang mendatang tidak bisa menembusinya. Maka tidak ada dua, tiga atau ke empat sikap jatuh cinta di dalam satu masa.

Malah masalah samada sayang ke, samada tidak sayang ke......tidak timbul ...kerana asas cinta sebenar ialah keupayaan untuk sama-sama menggembeling meningkatkan iman andaikata terbina ikatan yang di akhiri ukhwah di dalam percintaan iaitu ikatan rumahtangga. Cinta berasaskan Islam dan syariat lebih ke arah memupuk ukhwah
islamiyah di dalam pemantapan jasmani dan rohani. Itulah cinta yang sebenar di dalam Islam....bukan seperti sebahagian dari anak-anak muda yang tidak memahami konteks percintaan hakiki yang mana terlalu mudah jatuh cinta dengan hanya sekali pandang, dan juga dengan hanya tautan kata -kata.

Sememangnya tidak di nafikan kuasa cinta benar-benar dapat menguasai respondennya. Ada yang berubah sikap dengan rangsangan cinta....contoh ada yang semakin beriman, semakin baik dan semakin terdidik kerana nasihat dan peringatan oleh orang yang di cintainya. Tetapi adakah rangsangan itu akan terus berkekalan andaikata cinta berpaling arah atau tidak menjadi. Inilah yang di bimbangi kerana rangsangan cinta murahan hanya satu kepura - puraan yang tidak berkekalan atas asas tujuan untuk memikat hati. Ada yang jadi baik ..bercakap yang baik baik di depan orang yang di cintainya....almaklumlah yang di cintai itu seorang yang beriman....tetapi bila bercakap dengan kawan kawan lain mulalah membebel entah apa-apa kerana asas malu tiada.

Sebab itu di dalam konteks perhubungan cinta sesama Islam...jika ingin memulakan ikatan cinta itu....hendaklah berasaskan cinta yang penuh didikan iman. Perhatikan muamalat responden agar tidak tersalah jatuh di dalam jerat percintaan yang tidak patut....sebab ia lebih ke arah mengheret masalah baru....mungkin akan menjatuhkan ke lembah hina seperti yang terjadi di dalam kes Nur Aisyah Bukhari...semuanya bermula dari kesilapan Nur Aisyah sendiri yakni tidak memerhati, memikir baik baik dan memutuskan apa yang di cintainya itu layak atau tidak untuk di cintai. Sungguhpun di katakan Nur Aisyah sudah terdidik sebelum ini...tetapi iman yang sebenarnya ialah dari asas pendekatan dirinya sendiri... Ilmu yang di pelajarinya sekiranya tidak di amalkan akan menjadi perosak di dalam dirinya maka itulah yang berlaku di dalam diri Nur Aisyah.

Begitu juga dengan anak-anak muda kita, bilamana seorang pemuda menyampaikan hasrat cintanya....jangan mudah terusik hati...perhati kan agamanya, kebaikannya......dan segalanya sejak dia belum mengenali kita..maksud sifat asalnya dan muamalat asalnya....kerana jika kita mudah membenarkan hati di lalui ...ia hanya akan membuka peluang kepada ke arah ketidak fahaman konsep cinta berasaskan islam.... Biarlah di katakan diri kita ego...ego untuk kebaikan yakni menjaga diri untuk mengimbangi antara kewarasan akal dan iman yang akan menjadi benteng dan senjata melumpuhkan pihak lawan...benarkah begitu...sebab bagi perempuan mahupun lelaki yang beriman mempunyai sifat-sifat yang konkrit di dalam pendirian mahupun akhlak...bukankah akhlak yang cantik terbina dari didikan hati naruni iman yang cantik?

Bagi yang memahami dan mengerti apa itu iman, dia tidak ragu-ragu untuk terus memiliki perempuan itu dengan jalan terbaik iaitu apa???..tentulah sekali dengan meminang wanita ini....sebab wanita ini bukan calang-calang imannya...tentulah terfikir di hati mereka......"Akulah yang paling bertuah andaikata aku berupaya memiliki wanita yang paling payah untuk di kuasai,..kerana apabila di berinya cintanya pada aku...akulah orang yang paling agung dan terhormat di atas pemberiannya itu dengan cara yang di izin dan di halalkan oleh Islam dan Allah"

Jadi kata-kata bidalan ....Berkawan biar beribu bercinta biar satu...tidak begitu tepat di dalam konteks Islam dan patut di tambah...bercinta biarlah untuk teman di akhirat yang dihalalkan oleh Islam bersebabkan faktor-faktor semua panahan cinta di atas konsep berkawan adalah tidak tepat dan bercanggah di dalam konteks perhubungan di dalam Islam sebab kerana ia hanya boleh menjatuhkan ke arah perhubungan dalam suasana fitnah.

Akhir kalam, hanya Jauhari sahaja yang mengenal Manikamnya yakni hanya orang orang yang beriman akan menghargai dan mengagungi keimanan orang yang patut di cintainya kerana hanya orang yang baik-baik sahaja yang inginkan sesuatu yang baik....di situ sudah menampakkan penilaiannya.......dimana jodoh yang baik adalah untuk orang yang baik..dan begitu lah sebaliknya. Kerana orang yang tidak baik tidak menyanggupi untuk hidup bersama dengan orang yang baik kecuali dalam dirinya itu adalah mempunyai zat yang baik juga.

wallahu'alam bissawab...

Berkata Imam Nawawi:

"Aku menyintaimu kerana agama yang ada padamu, jika kau hilangkan agama dlm dirimu, hilanglah cintaku padamu"

DisakitkanNya kita sekejap tapi cepat-cepat disembuhkan semula kerana cintaNya, disusahkan sedikit agar insaf, namun segera disenangkan semula. Itulah belaianNya. Dimarahkan juga kadang-kadang kerana sayang,namun tidak lama kerana kasihNya. Dipohon-pohon kepadaNya, untuk meminta itu dan ini,Tuhan amat melayani hambaNya, tapi si hamba tidak peduli langsung!

Insomniac disease strucked at 9/29/2003 12:37:00 AM

The dearyyy look...how long will it last
I was at the bus stop...a married couple in their 40s was with their two grown gerls abt below 16 years old. The wife was giving her husband a deary look and was trying to engage in a "deary" conversation with her husband...but thehusband was giving her the "eh malas nak layan" look. Gosh. That hit me. How long will the deary look last on a husband face. Is it till his wife beauty fade?... Was their married based on his acceptance for his wife based on physical appearance? Was she this beauty he got married to and now after years of marriage those beauty has fade and the charms are gone, No more NUR on her face. Is that a reason to love someone less?

I am glad to see the deary look that my parents still have for each other. It stays because they got married for the right reason. They married for the person they loved not for the what they see.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/29/2003 12:36:00 AM

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Dedicate to those that i treasure for a lifetime...
It was all a blessing in disguise.
A blessing for me to realize how much I am treasured,
Treasured by those who never question my presence,
but always question my absence.

Thank You.
For...
The smile on my face.
The laughter that despise solace.
The strength that keeps me going.
The social rhapsody that I have indulged in.

I will rejuvenate. Insya Allah.
For now I am moving on alone.
Singlehood is a time to give.
To give back to those who have given me more,
than what I have expected of them.
It is also time for me to discover my new passion.

The fear has been instilled in me.
It is not going to be easy to break that fear.
Only someone with strong guts and,
sincerity will break that fear. Insya Allah.
I plan. HE decides.
As HE has other plans for me.
A plan that is coming into place. I see it coming.

Thank you my loved ones. Thank you. I will not just verbally express my gratitude. I will show it. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/28/2003 01:57:00 AM

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Hopes...
Was blog peeping and found this phrase...
"hope is a beautiful and precious thing.. when u start giving it out too freely.. u'll be in danger of hurting urself" and may I add... & others too.."
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/27/2003 02:04:00 AM

The Shoes Theory...Is this how human relationship works?
Your friend bought for you a pair of shoes. You saw the shoes... u like it. It is very comfortable. It became your favourite pair of shoes. It has walked every paths with you. You wore it during sunny days and rainy days. Those moments you believe that this shoes will be your sole companion.

One fine day....you saw a new pair of shoes. It looks really good. Really good. But you were not sure whether you will feel comfortable wearing it. But it really..really looks good. You touched it. It feels good. But you didn't try it on. As you were indebted with the old pair of shoes that you were wearing.

But you were tempted to get the new pair of shoes. As you will be admired if you put on that pair of shoes. It may not be as comfortable as the old pair. It's ok...as long as it makes your feet looks good. So you decided to put the old pair in the shoes cabinet alongside many other pairs of shoes.

The old pair of shoes is just another collection of shoes that can be forgotten.

I bought a petite pair of sandals today...because the shoes looks good. Instantly, I wore it back home in exchange for my 2 months old sandal. This new pair was giving me problem...the buckle strap kept coming off...but i still wore it. Because it looks good. While walking home...about few blocks away my block...it kept coming off. I decided to take out the old pair of sandal...and kept the new pair in the shoe box..will i wear it tomorrow ?

The Shoes theory does apply to human relationship. Avoid such human relationship.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/27/2003 12:59:00 AM

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Randall..O Randall...You are my Sunshine.
When I see him. He makes me smile. He drowns my worries. He planted me a kiss on my cheek. He gets cosy with me and gives me a cuddly warmth hug. Those are sincere act from an innocent child to a lady. We both have mutual liking that grows. A liking that's no need to be tried. As it grows naturally. No materialistic wants that deny the growing liking that we have.

He is just 4. But he knows the sincerity of my undivided attention that i gives to him. He loves me. I love him to. No sweet words needed for him to woo...just his sincere act and gestures that he will never take back.

He was born in Indonesia. He is a child with mild autism. He was adopted by a chinese couple. He was only diagnosed autistic at the age of 2 years old. Adopted Parents are still in denial. Childrens' Day is coming. I hope he will come as I will don myself to have a snap shot with him.

Today, during assembly....while i was looking strictly at my monyetz who were busy chatting with one another....Randall wrapped his arm around my leg. I looked down and I was smitten by his sunshine smile. I bend down and planted a kiss on his forehead. He smiled. Smile that I know comes from his heart. Mutual smile. I was not misinterpreting his smile. "You are my sunshine...My only sunshine..You make me happy"....ooppss...i forgot the song...He is my Sunshine.

Life was at a stand still for a period. Butnow...my life is moving on the lighted path with the presence of those that I know will be here for me for a lifetime. They will. Insya Allah. Million muahhsss to each of u...:). I was overwhelmed with my stupidity of reciprocating and accepting unintended actions and gestures. Words that comes and goes away as easy as it comes. No one is to be blame not even the Almighty. It is HIS way of showing...let's learnt from it. Let us learnt from it and be better us. Insya Allah. When one fall down and hurt oneself. It will take awhile to heal the pain. But it will heal. It will leave a scar that will remind you of the fall. A fall that you have to learnt from. Let it be only me fall into this pit. Let it be only me. Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/25/2003 11:43:00 PM

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Never...
Never have i ever seen my parents involved in marital conflicts. Never have i ever hear or see my parents wailed in anxiety or anger. Never have i ever hear verbal abuses that other couples use as a weapon against each other. To hear it happening in some marriages....even those close ones to me...scares me as those are strange happenings to me. Never witness it. Never wants to witness it. I know it does happen...but GOD save me from those....

As I grow older...I am more observant of their small lovey dovey gestures...towards each other. It could be as simple n sweet as how my mum will beautify herself with her smitten smile when my dad comes home from a taxing day. She will also fill the table with mouth watering delicacies to welcome him home. How she will get angry with us...if we touched those delicacies before her husband does. My dad lovey dovey gestures comes in a form of occasional teases...that will make my mum blush in front of us. Yupps...she still blush after 4 children...she does..:). Her voice is never a pitch higher than my dad. Never I hear her critically acclaimed her husband weaknesses. She will just say, "Abah, memang macam gitu." and she will end it with a smile. She always tells me, don't ever share your family dirty blanket or family secrets esp. about your husband to others..especially to your own mother. That I will always remember. Always will.

Before their marriage...their "love relationship" was put on hold for 2 long years...due to my mom's family strong objection. Why? bcause my dad is 12 years older than my mum and at the age of 35 he has more proportion of aging hair..:), n add on to his aging factor, at a young age he had went to Mecca. He actually went to Mecca..on board a ship...how long was thattt?. His villages referred to him as "Pak Haji" and...my mom's relatives heard about his "so called title" and became the "batu api" to my grandparents. They kept harping that it is not socially right for my mum to marry an old man...ish ish ish Orang dulu2.

But what kept them strong was their believes in each other, they believe that they are made for one another and GOD will answer their prayers.
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)

And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best. (16:72)

Both succumbed to phone line conversation...rare physical sights of each other for 2 years...very rare..occasional secret meet ups. Their believe , patient and fate prevailed...GOD answered their prayers...and make them...ONE. My mum said be patient...GOD knows best, she said don't ever succumb to isolation..but if you really need to...only after you have put in your tireless effort. Insya Allah. She has been giving me positive advises..never fail to re-energize me...probably bcause THEY feel good about it and they have given me their consent.

There's no need for me to seek knowledge on marital paradise...as I have the living faith in front of me. Insya Allah.

Arrghh...With the death of the two singaporean in aust...my mom is giving her half- hearted consent for me to "fly away". She keeps pondering on that...decision after decision...What's best? To stay or not to stay.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/18/2003 07:09:00 AM

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

It has not lessen..
The thoughts and feelings that I have before have never lessen. At times it grows....that scares me not knowing whether it is growing on your side. Always have the urges to send u aerial cues or to be on the other line...but those fears of not receiving mutual reply from you...deter me from those urges.

Remembering...adolescent years..
Az Yet Featuring Peter Cetera
Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say, from each other
Even lovers need a holiday, oh yeah
Far away from each other

Hold me now, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
And after all that you've been through
I will make it up to you, I promise you, baby

And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go, oh
Couldn't send or be kept away
Not for a day, from your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away from the one that I love

Hold me now, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know, hold me now
I really want to tell you I'm sorry
I could never let you go

And after all that we've been through
I will make it up to you, I promise you
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go
I can't let go
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/16/2003 10:06:00 PM

Cindy O..Cindy :)
How come I miss you when we never even meet? Probably...bcause I know you truly misshh me :). If you are a man hehe...probably you're my soulmate. Cindy...It's true what you said...when emotional turbulence hit you...blogging is the "hantam paradise" to channel out your inner frustrations. But today...I am emotionally and physically fatigue. Tomorrow...my monyetz will be my joyful dosage. As I know they will say, "We miss you yesterday...Why you didn't come huh?"...and before i answer them...they will be back to their oblivious mode. But I do savour those shortlived moments.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/16/2003 04:28:00 PM

Monday, September 15, 2003

What makes me feel good?..
Would appreciate a good nite and good morning cues....that makes me feel good. Knowing that you are well and up...makes me feel better.

It's been countless days since i received silent nite cues....it makes me feel dumb..makes me feel like a fool. Been finding my own nite remedies...and always awaiting for the sun to shine..for better tomorrow.

I have succumbed to social rhapsody as I don't want to be alone. When I'm alone...I mull over.

Am I a fool?....
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/15/2003 12:52:00 AM

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Nothing...
Nothing much I can say...I am emotionally fatigue.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/13/2003 11:56:00 PM

Friday, September 12, 2003

Let her down easy- Terence Trent D'arby
You're top man on the scene
You don't think life comes in between
But hey, she's just seventeen
She feels that she's a worldly girl
But man you've been around the world
She is just some worried daddy's girl
Even though there's nothing I can say
To cheat you and nature any way

Let her down easy
Her heart is on a dime
Let her down easy
And you'll grow up in time

In her strawberry eyes
The way she sees you signifies
That she's susceptible to your velvet lies
But if you must lay her down
May a butterscotch glow be her dressing gown
And please do not lead her on when you leave town
Even though there's nothing I can say
To cheat you and nature any way

Let her down easy
Her heart is on the line
Let her down easy
And you'll grow up in time

She's a woman now
With a daughter to make her proud
In her crayon world of paper clouds
She still remembers you
The first boy that she gave it to
And she laughs at how little then she knew
Her daughter's five and her grandfather adores her (of course)

Let her down easy
Her heart is on the line
Let her down easy
And you'll grow up in time

If that's how you perceives and if that's how you feel...you ain't going to let her down easy. As she's no more daddy's girl...as she has the world waiting for her intervention. She's a Woman. She's a lady. Efforts have been placed, time will prevail, decision has to be made and do not succumb to fate. Fate will come when decision has been made, with HIS blessings towards paradise. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/12/2003 02:04:00 PM

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Amelie...She'll change your life @2001 Production

One of my favourites and unforgettable French Movie....Amelie. For the searchers.

The Marmalade that follows...

The One that she follows...

Movie Synopsis
She'll change your life. Amelie is looking for love, and perhaps for the meaning of life in general. We see her grow up in an original if slightly dysfunctional family. Now a waitress in central Paris, she interacts curiously with her neighbors and customers, as well as a mysterious Photomaton-image collector and one of his even more mysterious photo subjects. Little by little, Amelie realizes that the way to happiness (and yet more subtle humor) requires here to take her own initiative and reach out to others.

Click here for the movie trailer

Loving someone and building a solid relationship is an ongoing process; it will be filled with conflicts and resolutions and should never be taken for granted. To love or to be loved is the greatest gift one can give or receive from another.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/11/2003 11:03:00 PM

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Reasons, Seasons and Lifetime
I went for a programme retreat yesterday...It was uplifting...Objective: Making Bonds and Building Relationships. Our principal handed out a piece of precious write-up which definitely a treasure for one to read and ponder on when what you have hope for is not fated to be yours.

Total extraction:-

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, this is to help you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we mus realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; and their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow and learn. They may bring you an experience of a peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/ people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author: Dobhran
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/09/2003 07:50:00 PM

Saturday, September 06, 2003

More pages, more inspiration- IKEA 2004
That's IKEA magazine 2004. More pages...more inspiration. Definitely inspiring browsing from one page to another. I remember getting my first pay when I was 16...during the post- o'level vacation, I spent abt 1/2 of my pay in my room with IKEA furnishings. Looking at what standing in my room.....made me realized all those are gained from my hard- earned money...wah so proud :). I was so fascinate with ethnique stuffs (still does at times)...and my room was filled with little bits of ethnique hanging ornaments. Moving to a new abode...maybe moving...I am picturing my new attic to be all WHITE...transclucent theme. When u grows up your wants and your needs changes...so does your interests.

When i browsed thru the IKEA magazine...I've always dream of setting up a childrens' corner in my OWN home, where my other half will be nestling beside me :). A childrens' corner which welcomes the constant visits from the liittle ones. A corner fills with inspirational colours. With cute little colourful sofas, mini tables, mini plates and drinking sets....mini tv set for the little ones enjoyment...toys filling up the area. I want the little ones to know me...to remember me...to lurve me...to want me...and come childishly to me with their deary eyes looking at me...and calls me "Auntie Z....."..Dreams do come true.

Life has been a decisive juncture for me...picturing those beautiful thoughts will make me smile and soften my heart. It is not tangible materialistic thoughts that make me content, but simple realistic thoughts that does not require any amount of monetary exchanges will make me ALL content.

It was funny how... when yesterday everything feels good and looks right, suddenly you wakes up in the morning...everything goes haywire. Nothing goes your way. This is a part of growing up and growing into the next lap of your life. I have been taking the backseat...most of the time...never agressive...unless i NEED it. Calamity relax the situations but will it creates more obstacles. The easiest solution is to withdraw from jumping ALL hurdles but if I don't jump those hurdles how would i know If i can actually make it through the next hurdles. When i do jump those hurdles...i will either move on or fall to grip myself back up again. I know there are many who will stay and cheer me on when I fall. I know they will.

She is walking in silence. What I have shared with her may be the roots of her "fear". Her hopes for me was escalating. She was feeling all good about it...and what I have shared has created a turmoil in her heart. I'm sorry...I do not have the answer. Only GOD knows. I have trusted my hopes to HIM, the Almighty.

From an autistic child who rarely express his emotions to a teacher that has been a part of his life..."Will you miss me? NowI miss you already."
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/06/2003 11:41:00 AM

Friday, September 05, 2003

Feel-O-Meter...
Feeling like Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire. The ending has not come. I do not need empathy...I just need you to.......If it is empathy that I am getting, I'll succumb to rejuvenation for a better life.

It's been rejuvenating. Will it be the same tomorrow?
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/05/2003 11:52:00 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Doa solat istikharah...

"Ya Allah, hamba memohon agar memilihkan mana yang baik menurut Engkau Ya Allha. Dan hamba memohon memberikan kepastian dengan ketentuanMu dan hamba
memohon dengan kemurahan Tuhan Yang Agung. Kerana sesungguhnya Engkaulah Tuhan Yang berkuasa sedangkan hamba tidak tahu dan Tuhanlah Yang Amat
Mengetahui segala sesuatu yang masih tersembunyi. Ya Allah jika pada ilmuMu bahawa persoalan ini baik bagiku dan agamaku maka berikanlah perkara ini kepadaku, permudahkanlah ia untukku kemudian Engkau curahkanlah keberkatan bagiku di dalamnya."
"Wahai tuhanku, aku memohon pilihan dengan ilmuMu dan memohon takdirMu dengan kekuasaanMu. Dan aku memohon daripada kelebihanMu yang amat besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau sahaja mampu segalanya dan aku tidak mampu dan Engkau amat mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui. Engkau mengetahui segala perkara ghaib. Wahai tuhanku sekiranya / engkau ketahui bahawa perkara ini adalah yang terbaik buatku dalam perkara agamaku, didalam kehidupanku serta kehidupanku selanjutnya, maka takdirkanlah perkara itu untuk ku serta permudahkannya untuk ku dan berkatilah aku padanya. Sekiranya Engkau ketahui baha perkara ini adalah bukan yang terbaik buatku dalam perkara agamaku, di dalam kehidupan ku serta kehidupan ku selanjutnya, maka jauhilah daripadanya serta takdirkanlah yang terbaik buatku serta berkatilah aku. Berikanlah kebaikan di mana saja aku berada dan jadikanlah aku ini orang yang redha atas ketentuanMu."

"Tiada tuhan yan disembah melainkan Allah yang bersifat maha mengetahui dan mulia. Maha suci Allah tuhan kepada arays yang maha besar. Segala puji bagi Allah tuhan sekelian alam. Aku momohon rahmat Mu serta keampunan Mu, perlindungan daripada segala dosa, serta pertolongan Mu dalam melakukan kebaikan, serta perlindungan daripada setiap perkara buruk serta aku memohon darjat syurga yang tinggi. Jangan Kamu tinggalkan dosa terhadapku kecuali Engkau mengampuninya, tidak ada kesulitan kecuali Engkau permudahkannya, tidak ada hutang kecuali Engkau permudahkan urusan pembayarannya, tidak ada hajat dunia dan hajat akhirat kecuali Engkau perkenankan hajat tersebut wahai tuhan yang pemurah."

Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/03/2003 01:03:00 AM

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

When a woman said.....

When a woman said it...she meant it.
When a woman expressed it....
she damn sure meant what she has expressed.

It took a woman, great guts to express what meant to be shown
but not to be told.
I don't know where my guts came from.
I don't know whether I am playing the cards right.
I don't know whether I am on the upper deck.
I know I am playing with fire.
My instinct tells me.....i'll get burnt.
I'll be the ashes...i'll be the soot.
Somebody else will be lighting the fire.

But when a man said it...was there any duplication
for his expression to other beings?

Insomniac disease strucked at 9/02/2003 11:21:00 PM

Monday, September 01, 2003

You are leaving...

You are leaving...and the time has arrived.
I thought your leaving and absence,
are the roots of your indecisiveness.
I didn't realized that there were other beings.

Was I overwhelmed with one- sided hope
for the communion of two beings
Or was I selfishly ignoring your sensitive needs
to share the presence of the other beings?
I am sorry if i was being.....
oblivious towards your expressing needs to share.
I'm sorry.

I thought that you perceives my actions...
as an act of respect to your living space.
I fear that my aggressiveness will draw you away.
I selfishly believes that my actions were act of pure consideration,
to draw you closer.
I want to draw you closer.
Never in my thoughts to build a living gap.
When there's a gap between us..I miss you. I do.
Will you draw me closer?

We have reach to a point of no return.
No withdrawal.
I have expressed my decisive thoughts but....
with fear that there will be no tomorrow for US.
You asked me to shun my fears away.
If I do shun my fears away, will there be tomorrow for US?

I do believe in HIS fate. But fear of the awaiting decision comes torment me. Please shield this fear away....with THE decision.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/01/2003 04:35:00 PM

Do you realized?
I believe these moments happened to most of us before...

At times when you want to be alone...
Others come forward to be with you.

At times when you don't want to be alone...
Others were no where to be reach.
So when these moments happened, frustrations welled up.
I will seek children's laughter and
unaided companion to anywhere my feet steer me to.
With hope that the frustration will subside.

I did it today. Insya Allah it will subside.
Insomniac disease strucked at 9/01/2003 01:01:00 AM