Past Rhapsody.The UnGuarded Heart...
My Journey Has Ended Here...Moving on...
This is my Last Insight. My journey has ended here and moving on to a new location. I was browsing through my past archives. My blog has undergone multiple visual uplifts and phases of insights.
In July, I embarked on this jouney and stated an objective. The purpose of my blogging needs.
1. To be able to provide an enriching and educational avenue for fellow blogger peepers on ME..:), Special Needs Culture and hmmm...more to come..Insya ALLAH
It seems that I can't lie...my heart feels, my brain dances and my fingers did the talking. They were in parallel and unison. My fingers "expressed" what I felt....and what's dancing in my mind. I can't lie.
The Transition
Phase 1- A part of my life. The Special Needs Culture.
Phase 2- Revealing of my Unguarded Hearts.
Phase 3- Now. Visual Expression of my love to HIM, The Almighty. My heart which will stay guarded by HIM.
Phase 4- The Embarkation. Embarking on a blissful journey. HIS other plans for me. Phase 4 will move to a new location.
Silence is Golden. Goodbye.
For the choosen ones...we'll meet again. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/12/2003 05:07:00 PM
She seek my thoughts. She is him and the other soul is me.
Dedicated to you my dear friend...I don't want another of me.
I elucidate my thoughts because you are dear to me.
"I think in the end selfish would be to love someone for other than the sake of the Creator but instead just for the Creation. People , in the end, are Creation. We should love Creation only for the Sake of the Creator. Otherwise, we are selfish and love Creation above the Creator."
- JasyhAllah, Islamicaweb.com -
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/12/2003 01:21:00 AM
Last nite was beautiful...
The Sacred Nite was filled with the blessed communion of my loved ones. It was beautiful...Serenity filled the whole living space as we seek solace in HIM. The presence of my beloved friends....made it more beautiful. Their Nur from within outshine last nite. Insya Allah the days after....
My brother reciprocated HIS calling, standing guarded beside my father who was leading the blessed communion. I am proud of them, they stand guarded and added security in my life knowing we are moving on the lighted path.. Allhamdulillah. My mother was smiling...she's proud of them too . God has created both of them for her, for me and for those dear to me to earn us a place in Jannah. Insya Allah. Thank you Allah...for engulfing us in serenity and tranquility.
Thank you Allah...for waking me up last nite to be close to you.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/11/2003 05:49:00 PM
The Sacred Nite is here...
Let's serenade.....If You Ask Me by Yusuf Islam.
The Sacred Nite is here,
Will it be my last?
Only HE knows.
I shall cherish it...as if it is my last,
Will be cherishing it with my loved ones.
Will be waiting for my beloved friends to join this bless communion.
Allah has dedicated to us this sacred nite for....
HIM to be in close proximity with us and for HIM to hear us.
It could be your last. It could be. Only HE knows.
Extracted the article below from a website (I do not have the ability to translate it..opps fear of distorting it..:)
NISFU SYAABAN
1. Syaaban adalah bulan Rasulullah s.a.w. Bersabda baginda yang maksudnya, "Dinamakan dengan Syaaban (berserak-serak) itu adalah kerana di dalamnya terdapat banyak kebajikan yang berserak-serak."
2. Setiap amalan kebajikan akan digandakan oleh Allah dengan 700 kali ganda.
3. Allah akan menurunkan rahmatNya serta memberikan pengampunan umum kepada hambanya.
4. Sesiapa yang berpuasa 3 hari di awal, pertengahan dan di akhirnya maka Allah akan menuliskannya baginya pahala 70 orang nabi-nabi, pahala beribadat selama 70 tahun dan jika ia meninggal pada tahun itu maka ia akan mendapat pahala mati syahid.
5. Kelebihan malam nisfu Syaaban pula ialah sesiapa yang bangun mendirikan solat sunat dan menghidupkan malam itu dengan banyak berdoa, berzikir, berselawat, bertasbih, membaca al -Quran dan sebagainya maka Allah kan membukakan untuknya 300 pintu rahmat disamping doanya tidak akan ditolak.
6. Orang-orang yang tidak diampunkan oleh Allah pada malam nisfu Syaaban ialah mereka yang menyekutukan Allah dengan sesuatu, tukang sihir, tukang nujum, mereka yang suka bermusuhan, peminum arak, penzina, pemakan riba, derhaka terhadap kedua ibu bapa, pembuat fitnah dan mereka yang memutuskan tali silaturrahim.
Cherish it...
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/10/2003 03:15:00 AM
Bye Bye Miss Grouchiness....Hiii Mr Sunshine.
Since I read the hadiths Lyana posted at her blog...I wakes up before sunrise with the feeling of tranquility...knowing that I am waking up to answer to HIS calling. Wakes up every morning to commit charity deed for her, to make her smile. To make her feel less perfect. To gives her the security of our undying love for her.
Extracted fromLyana's blog
"During your sleep, Satan ties three knots at the back of your necks. He breathes the following into them, 'The night is long so keep on sleeping.' If the person wakes and praises Allah, then one of the knots is unfastened. And if he performs ablution, the second knot is unfastened. When he prays, all of the knots are unfastened. After that he will be energetic and happy in the morning. Otherwise he would get up listless and grouchy."
It is also recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim that he said, "When one of you rises from your sleep he should make ablution. He should rinse his nose three times. For Satan stays in the upper part of one's nose during the night."
Al-Bukhari also records that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about a man who sleeps until the morning comes, that is, after the time of the dawn prayer. He said, "That is a man whom Satan has urinated into his two ears."
Waking up knowing....bossom friends are here to stay, past friends are back to refresh those beautiful memories, new friends awaiting for the time to arrive.
Sis Iman is my mentor. She was one of those that came into my life and gave me the freedom to reveal my true abilities and potential. As she is one of those who truly believes in me. Her guidance in helping me to build the humane side of me will always be remembered...always. To meet her again at this trying juncture...is HIS way of putting into place HIS other plans for me. Allhamdulilah.
Bro Moshee. Wow 1997, I didn't realized we met way back then. Now we meet again :). Didn't realized it was that long...that insomniac disease has strucked me...till now. Years back, from dawn till dusk...chatting was like a "staple" activity for me. But I met those through chatting that have made a difference in my life. Bro. Moshee I remember peeping you at the florist shopyou were working...hehe but being a shy lady..."very the shy" to approach. To meet someone...without expecting it and recalling those beautiful memories...is WOWnderful. True friends will come back if HE permits. Welcome back, my dear friends.
Mr Sunshine said Hii..to me today. I'm bright today. With hope it stays. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/08/2003 11:11:00 AM
Allhamdulilah. The light heartedness sinked in today. Insya Allah, it will be forever. I am disgusted with myself for dwelling in devilish thoughts...after seeing her. Who is her?...will reveal soon:).
I am trying my very best to like HIM more. To love HIM more than i love or i will love anyone else. I want HIM to remind me not to forsake HIM..not even for a second. I know I am trying my very best and it will blossom. HE knows best as HE sees all and HE hears all. HE the Almighty. Insya Allah.
Dedicated to her,
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/08/2003 01:45:00 AM
Seek peaceful, heart, mind and soul from...
"(Iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka menjadi tenteram dengan mengingat Allah. Ingatlah hanya dengan mengingat Allah hati menjadi tenteram"(Surah Ar-Rad (Guruh); Ayat 28)
Allhamdulillah. HE keeps me strong. Keeps me strong from all devilish acts and thoughts. At times , I still dwell in devilish thoughts for answers that i will never gain because the wound is still healing... but HE always pulled me back strongly. HE will heal it.
My parents have been my confidants, i seek guidance from them. Both of them have been calm in accepting what I have gone through. Their smiles never leave their faces...and their calm advise have always been, "It is HIS way of wanting you to learn from it, HE has other plans for you. Don't dwell, if you keep dwelling over it...means you have not succumb to HIS fate (redha)." I'm suprised they are still smiling...only sweet blessed words came out from their mouth, not a single word of "devilish acts", as they believe in HIM. My mother is silently hoping for a better tomorrow for me..n the day after...n the day after. We grow closer...she has seen me at my lowest point and she has never leave or turn away from me..from that moment. Syukran.
I don't want to defy HIM. Never.
I want HIM to bless my every acts. InsyaAllah
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 07:51:00 PM
Just secs ago, received an aeriel cue...Jia Xin (peep down to know more about him) passed away today at around 2.15pm...at the age of 13 years old.
Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi orang yang mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah mati.
He taught me how to smile when I am overwhelmed with fear. Thank you.
I am still "digesting" his departure...knowing me...it will take awhile for me to "digest" it...till it welled up inside and drain out.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 03:16:00 PM
Insomniac disease strucked again. When this disease strucks me, blogging is the best remedy and of course midnight prayers help to calm one disturbed soul. I couldn'r slumber, wandering...will he wakes up tomorrow..and the day after and the day after...will he..? I would lurve to c his big clear eyes. I would lurve to engage in a conversation with him...as a person with autism is one honest being...who can't lie...they can't hide their ignorant and oblivious mind. Their ignorance..causes humour and at times there are lots of truth to what they say. I didn't realized he mean so much to me. I kept remembering his giggly smile when i sang to him.
Last Tuesday, during Sports day, one of my child went missing. For about 5 minutes... i silently went berserk. His mom face went pale. This special child is precious to her. Precious to me too. He was one of those students that I taught during my early years of teaching. Bond has been created not just with him but also his family. The whole stadium of people were assigned to search for him. With HIS help, within that short period..he was found across the running track. He was about to exit from the the other side of the stadium. If it had been 5 minutes late...he would have been missing for long. After the reconciliation, i sat with his mum and him, we realized that he has been eyeing the route from his seat to the exit, silently. He has taken the shortest route to the exit. He is 10 years old, a child with middle functioning autism. He has slurred speech, only his family and those who are familiar with him can comprehend or understands what he is verbalizing. Thus, if he does go missing...only GOD knows. He went missing twice during the fasting month last year...Allhamdulillah he was found.
About 2 years ago, one of our students, a 7 years old Malay boy with autism, was found dead on the ground floor of a neighbourhood block in Pasir Ris. No one knows the cause of it. One possibility was... he jumped from a high floor...I have the newspaper article laying somewhere around my room. Will put it up once i found. HE has other plans for him.
The same boy aboved...i will called him Fitri (not his real name..but i lurve this name :). Fitri passed away during the fasting month and it was during the school holiday. About two weeks before his death, we were having a mini year- end party in one of the classrooms. Fitri has always been known as the "dasher". He will dash as fast as lightning. His teacher had to be extra careful. During the party, Fitri was placed in one of the cubicle, while the teacher went out to get some food for him. It was just for a very very very short while. The teacher entered the cubicle...and he was gone. Everybody was petrified...some of us went to search for him. We heard shouting from the swimming pool area, "Fitrii !! Fitri!!!...". It was one of the teachers shouting....with the principal in sight. He was found floating in the swimming pool with his clothes on. BUT...but...the swimming pool gate was locked. There is only one entrance. It was padlocked. How did he enter? Only GOD knows. He lurves swimming and it was just a week before, he was taught how to float. That was his last swim....He knew GOD has other plans for him. He knew.
THEY mean so much to me. As they have seen me grown. I spent my growing up years with THEM.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 07:47:00 AM
Heart Failure..
I remember sleeping beside him during an overnight camp. He couldn't sleep and it was raining. I sang a lullaby for him to slumber. It backfired, my lullaby became a dosage for him to stay awake the whole night. He kept snuggling beside me....with his clear big eyes looking at me. His eyes were asking for a snuggle hug. To keep himself warmth. I gave him all the warmth he wants as I want him to feel comfortable. I want him to feel at ease, as he was away from home. Away from his loved ones, he only had me as his companion.
That was about 4 years back, he was just 9 years old. A child with autism. Rarely verbalize, only verbalize to express his wants and needs. Only verbalize to those who is comfortable with, I was one of those he comes to. Since the camp, whenever he sees me he will say, "Sing Teacher F..Sing" and he will leave a trail of giggle behind those words.
Today, I was told he has been admitted to ICU for the past three days due to heart failure. At the age of 13 years old...iyeshhh...14 years old, I was dumbfounded...the feverish feeling strucked me again. I was speechless...no words can described what i was feeling at that moment...my eyes were doing the talking. My body was numb...my heart shrinked. GOD knows best. HE has other plan for this young boy.
" Rain..Rain Go away....Little JX wanna sleep, Rain...Rain Go away...it's time for him to sleep."
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/03/2003 10:33:00 PM
I wouldn't be here now if my time has come yesterday. One moment I have just finished talking on the phone with a friend. A friend from my past that has comes back. Has been meeting those from my past....good feeling about that. Suddenly, I was standing just few inches in front of a blue pick- up...I was there standing...everything went blank..I was shocked..I could feel my temperature rise and turned cold...feverish cold. It took me awhile to get back to reality and walked off to the safer ground. Now, I could still feel the "feverish shock". I can't describe whether it was fear i was feeling...but my loved ones faces and voices were in my thoughts. It could have been the time. Ajal ditangan tuhan.
Allhamdulillah I woke up today in one piece and in good healt..although I could still feel the feverish shock. It is about time for me to wake up in tranquility not wake up in fear. Wake up to be HIS better Umat.
Past failure has taught me to be a better muslim. This failure has taught me to be a better lady. A lady to be loved and a lady to love. Insya Allah. We learnt when we redha with the failures that we have faced. Allhamdulillah.
Total extraction from an email.
Subject: AJAL
Dgn Nama Mu Ya Allah Yg Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang. Selawat dan Salam ke Atas Rasulullah SAW.
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah -- "TAKUTLAH KEPADA ALLAH"
Ingatlah pada kematian setiap saat.
BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM
Baginda Rasullullah S.A.W berkata:
"Apabila telah sampai ajal seseorang itu maka akan masuklah satu kumpulan malaikat ke dalam
lubang-lubang kecil dalam badan dan kemudian mereka menarik rohnya melalui kedua-dua telapak
kakinya sehingga sampai kelutut. Setelah itu datang pula sekumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk
menarik roh dari lutut hingga sampai ke perut dan kemudiannya mereka keluar. Datang lagi satu
kumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk dan menarik rohnya dari perut hingga sampai ke dada dan
kemudiannya mereka keluar. Dan akhir sekali datang lagi satu kumpulan malaikat masuk dan menarik roh dari dadanya hingga sampai ke kerongkongdan itulah yang dikatakan saat nazak orang itu." Sambung Rasullullah S.A.W. lagi:
"Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang yang beriman, maka malaikat Jibrail A.S. akan menebarkan
sayapnya yang disebelah kanan sehingga orang yang nazak itu dapat melihat kedudukannya di syurga. Apabila orang yang beriman itu melihat syurga, maka dia akan lupa kepada orang yang berada disekelilinginya. Ini adalah kerana sangat rindunya pada syurga dan melihat terus pandangannya kepada sayap Jibrail A.S. Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang munafik, maka Jibrail A.S. akan menebarkan sayap disebelah kiri Maka orang yang nazak tu dapat melihat kedudukannya di neraka dan dalam masa itu orang itu tidak lagi melihat orang disekelilinginya.
Ini adalah kerana terlalu takutnya apabila melihat neraka yang akan menjadi tempat tinggalnya".
Dari sebuah hadis bahawa apabila Allah S.W.T. menghendaki seorang mukmin itu dicabut nyawanya maka datanglah malaikat maut.
Apabila malaikat maut hendak mencabut roh orang mukmin itu dari arah mulut maka keluarlah zikir dari mulut orang mukmin itu dengan berkata:
"Tidak ada jalan bagimu mencabut roh orang ini melalui jalan ini kerana orang ini sentiasa menjadikan lidahnya berzikir kepada Allah S.W.T." Setelah malaikat maut mendengar penjelasan itu, maka dia pun kembali kepada Allah S.W.T. dan menjelaskan apa yang diucapkan oleh lidah orang mukmin itu. Lalu Allah S.W.T. berfirman yang bermaksud:
"Wahai malaikat maut, kamu cabutlah rohnya dari arah lain."
Sebaik saja malaikat maut mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T. maka malaikat maut pun cuba mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan. Tapi keluarlah sedekah dari arah tangan orang mukmin itu, keluarlah usapan kepala anak-anak yatim dan keluar penulisan ilmu Maka berkata tangan: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah ini,tangan ini telah mengeluarkan sedekah, tangan ini mengusap kepala anak-anak yatim dan tangan ini menulis ilmu pengetahuan." Oleh kerana malaikat maut gagal untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah kaki. Malangnya malaikat maut juga gagal melakukan sebab kaki berkata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana kaki ini sentiasa berjalan berulang alik mengerjakan solat dengan berjemaah dan kaki ini juga berjalan menghadiri majlis-majlis ilmu." Apabila gagal malaikat maut,mencabut roh org mukmin dari arah kaki, maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah telinga. Sebaik saja malaikat maut menghampiri telinga maka telinga pun berkata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana telinga ini sentiasa mendengar bacaan Al-Quran dan zikir." Akhir sekali malaikat maut cuba mencabut orang mukmin dari arah mata tetapi baru saja hendak menghampiri mata maka berkata mata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini sebab mata ini sentiasa melihat beberapa mushaf dan kitab-kitab dan mata ini sentiasa menangis kerana takutkan Allah." Setelah gagal maka malaikat maut kembali kepada Allah S.W.T Kemudian Allah S.W.T. berfirman yang bermaksud: "Wahai malaikatKu, tulis AsmaKu diitelapak tanganmu dan tunjukkan kepada roh orang yang beriman itu." Sebaik saja mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T. maka malaikat maut menghampiri roh orang itu dan menunjukkan Asma Allah S.W.T. Sebaik saja melihat Asma Allah dan cintanya kepada Allah S.W.T maka keluarlah roh tersebut dari arah mulut dengan tenang.
Abu Bakar R.A. telah ditanya tentang kemana roh pergi setelah ia keluardari jasad. Maka berkata
Abu Bakar R.A: "Roh itu menuju ketujuh tempat:
1. Roh para Nabi dan utusan menuju ke Syurga Adnin.
2. Roh para ulama menuju ke Syurga Firdaus.
3. Roh mereka yang berbahagia menuju ke Syurga Illiyyina.
4. Roh para shuhada berterbangan seperti burung di syurga mengikut kehendak mereka.
5. Roh para mukmin yang berdosa akan tergantung di udara tidak dibumi tidak dilangit sampai hari
kiamat.
6. Roh anak-anak orang yang beriman akan berada di gunung dari minyak misik.
7. Roh orang-orang kafir akan berada dalam neraka Sijjin, mereka diseksa berserta jasadnya hingga
sampai hari Kiamat."
Telah bersabda Rasullullah S.A.W :
"Tiga kelompok manusia yang akan dijabat tangannya oleh para malaikat pada hari
mereka keluar dari kuburnya :
1. Orang-orang yang mati syahid.
2. Orang-orang yang mengerjakan solat malam dalam bulan ramadhan.
3. Orang berpuasa di hari Arafah.
Sekian untuk ingatan kita bersama. Wassallam.
*Kalau rajin.....Tolong sebarkan kisah ini kepada saudara Islam yang lain. Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi orang yang Mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah mati.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/03/2003 11:39:00 AM
The Amazing Race..I am proud of THEM.
In conjunction with Childrens' Day celebration. We have planned a Rainbow Race 2003...Sports day cum Childrens' Day celebration. This is the first time we had it and I believe more to come.
I am proud to see my children ran with much passion and energy.
I am proud to see them reaching the finishing line.
I am proud to see them came running to me showing off the medals that they have won.
I am proud to see THEY are proud of themselves.
I am proud to see their parents proud smile.
I am proud to be in their life.
I am proud to be there and to be amongst those who stays to make a difference in the life of others.
It was an exhausting experience but was worthwhile.
After the event, I received an aeriel cue from one of the parents. "I am happy to see my husband and son proud smile and happy faces. It's been long since i see my husband in this state of happiness. Thank you. GOOD job!".
There are those who will truly appreciate you and keen to keep you for a lifetime. It could be due a small act of kindness that you offer but without you realizing it.... that small act, does make a big difference in their life. More years to come in doing what I am doing now and throughout these years...I have grown up to be a humane lady I am today. Lots of learning experience have made me a different and insya Allah better individual.
I remember about 4 years ago. I am rather passive and I would keep my opinions to myself. As my fear is that my opinions will be the laughing stock of others. I was not confident enough of my ablility to stand where I am standing now. I have always have good intentions but not knowing how to express it to others. My involvement in community works and youth group and of course me as a Special Educator...has add on to my positive characteristics. I am a human..I have my weaknesses...I do. I am not perfect. No one will be perfect and I won't be either. But I would rather use my strength and improve my weaknesses than dwelling on my imperfections.
Now, I'm a different person. Life experiences have taught me to a be a better me. Allhamdulillah. Hmm...how should I describe myself...never good at this. Let others judge me...Let others...
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/01/2003 08:21:00 PM
This is my Last Insight. My journey has ended here and moving on to a new location. I was browsing through my past archives. My blog has undergone multiple visual uplifts and phases of insights.
In July, I embarked on this jouney and stated an objective. The purpose of my blogging needs.
1. To be able to provide an enriching and educational avenue for fellow blogger peepers on ME..:), Special Needs Culture and hmmm...more to come..Insya ALLAH
It seems that I can't lie...my heart feels, my brain dances and my fingers did the talking. They were in parallel and unison. My fingers "expressed" what I felt....and what's dancing in my mind. I can't lie.
The Transition
Phase 1- A part of my life. The Special Needs Culture.
Phase 2- Revealing of my Unguarded Hearts.
Phase 3- Now. Visual Expression of my love to HIM, The Almighty. My heart which will stay guarded by HIM.
Phase 4- The Embarkation. Embarking on a blissful journey. HIS other plans for me. Phase 4 will move to a new location.
The Transition
I'm closing the chapter of my life journey here,
as I am embarking on a blissful journey,
which HE has planned for me.
HIS plans are coming into place.
I have moved to a new abode and creating a new living attic.
The sacred month is here, i'll focus my attention on HIM.
No distractions. Insya Allah.
Come December, departing to render my service...
and to learnt from it.
Come next year, I will be left alone to nurture my ownself.
To nurture my own needs and wants.
Dear friends, If we meet, it is with HIS permission.
If we don't, it is because HE has other plans for us.
Wassalam
-Doa Perpisahan by Brothers
extracted from a Sister's blog
-chorus-
Kan Ku Utuskan Salam Ingatanku
Dalam Doa Kudusku Sepanjang Waktu
Ya Allah Bantulah Hamba Mu
Mencari Hidayah Daripada Mu
Dalam Mendidikkan Kesabaranku
Ya Allah Tabahkan Hati Hamba Mu
Di Atas Perpisahan Ini
Pertemuan Kita Di Suatu Hari
Menitiskan Ukhwah Yang Sejati
Bersyukurku Ke Hadrat Ilahi
Di Atas Jalinan Yang Suci
Namun Kini Perpisahan Yang Terjadi
Dugaan Yang Menimpa Diri
Bersabarlah Di Atas Suratan
Ku Tetap Pergi Jua
Senyuman Yang Tersirat Di Bibirmu
Menjadi Ingatan Setiap Waktu
Tanda Kemesraan Bersimpul Padu
Kenangku Di Dalam Doamu
Semoga Tuhan Berkatimu
Silence is Golden. Goodbye.
For the choosen ones...we'll meet again. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/12/2003 05:07:00 PM
Mirror Reflection of Me...
She seek my thoughts. She is him and the other soul is me.
Dedicated to you my dear friend...I don't want another of me.
I elucidate my thoughts because you are dear to me.
Dear She,
You are him.
You feels like him.
You act like him.
You gave hopes like him.
Your intensity suddenly drives you to a limit of stopping.
You said u likes him with a but...
But u said it...u said, "He is not my type."
Do not succumb to that materialistics wants.
He is not a good that has been manufactured,
He was created by HIM. I was created by HIM.
Does HE create his beings with the purpose of categorizing them into different types?
You seek my thoughts.
I elucidate my thoughts.
I have told you. I don't want another of me.
It hurts.
He is my mirror reflection.
Shatter the mirror now.
Let it shattered now.
Of course it is going to hurt.
But insya Allah time will heal it.
He may forgive but never forgets.
I have forgiven but never forgets.
Don't leave him clueless...
Don't leave him with unanswerable questions.
If you do leave him...leave with explanations.
It shows your good intention. It shows you care.
Now I'm in love.
In love with the Almighty.
True Love.
I truly miss HIM.
When I miss HIM. I talks to HIM.
I express my love for HIM daily...
as I know HE loves me too.
Allhamdulillah.
"I think in the end selfish would be to love someone for other than the sake of the Creator but instead just for the Creation. People , in the end, are Creation. We should love Creation only for the Sake of the Creator. Otherwise, we are selfish and love Creation above the Creator."
- JasyhAllah, Islamicaweb.com -
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/12/2003 01:21:00 AM
Last nite was beautiful...
The Sacred Nite was filled with the blessed communion of my loved ones. It was beautiful...Serenity filled the whole living space as we seek solace in HIM. The presence of my beloved friends....made it more beautiful. Their Nur from within outshine last nite. Insya Allah the days after....
My brother reciprocated HIS calling, standing guarded beside my father who was leading the blessed communion. I am proud of them, they stand guarded and added security in my life knowing we are moving on the lighted path.. Allhamdulillah. My mother was smiling...she's proud of them too . God has created both of them for her, for me and for those dear to me to earn us a place in Jannah. Insya Allah. Thank you Allah...for engulfing us in serenity and tranquility.
Thank you Allah...for waking me up last nite to be close to you.
HE woke me up to be close toHIM,
HE is my confidant
HE hears me.
HE sees me.
HE hears and HE sees...
What's hidden in my heart, my mind and my soul.
Woke up to express my gratittude,
Woke up to voice out my needs,
Woke up to be better me for HIM and for Others.
Woke up for HIS blessings.
Woke up to plea to HIM to love those who forsake HIM.
Woke up to love HIM
HE heard it...HE will act on it.
It will takes time...but HE will show it.
Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/11/2003 05:49:00 PM
The Sacred Nite is here...
Let's serenade.....If You Ask Me by Yusuf Islam.
The Sacred Nite is here,
Will it be my last?
Only HE knows.
I shall cherish it...as if it is my last,
Will be cherishing it with my loved ones.
Will be waiting for my beloved friends to join this bless communion.
Allah has dedicated to us this sacred nite for....
HIM to be in close proximity with us and for HIM to hear us.
It could be your last. It could be. Only HE knows.
Extracted the article below from a website (I do not have the ability to translate it..opps fear of distorting it..:)
NISFU SYAABAN
1. Syaaban adalah bulan Rasulullah s.a.w. Bersabda baginda yang maksudnya, "Dinamakan dengan Syaaban (berserak-serak) itu adalah kerana di dalamnya terdapat banyak kebajikan yang berserak-serak."
2. Setiap amalan kebajikan akan digandakan oleh Allah dengan 700 kali ganda.
3. Allah akan menurunkan rahmatNya serta memberikan pengampunan umum kepada hambanya.
4. Sesiapa yang berpuasa 3 hari di awal, pertengahan dan di akhirnya maka Allah akan menuliskannya baginya pahala 70 orang nabi-nabi, pahala beribadat selama 70 tahun dan jika ia meninggal pada tahun itu maka ia akan mendapat pahala mati syahid.
5. Kelebihan malam nisfu Syaaban pula ialah sesiapa yang bangun mendirikan solat sunat dan menghidupkan malam itu dengan banyak berdoa, berzikir, berselawat, bertasbih, membaca al -Quran dan sebagainya maka Allah kan membukakan untuknya 300 pintu rahmat disamping doanya tidak akan ditolak.
6. Orang-orang yang tidak diampunkan oleh Allah pada malam nisfu Syaaban ialah mereka yang menyekutukan Allah dengan sesuatu, tukang sihir, tukang nujum, mereka yang suka bermusuhan, peminum arak, penzina, pemakan riba, derhaka terhadap kedua ibu bapa, pembuat fitnah dan mereka yang memutuskan tali silaturrahim.
Cherish it...
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/10/2003 03:15:00 AM
Bye Bye Miss Grouchiness....Hiii Mr Sunshine.
Since I read the hadiths Lyana posted at her blog...I wakes up before sunrise with the feeling of tranquility...knowing that I am waking up to answer to HIS calling. Wakes up every morning to commit charity deed for her, to make her smile. To make her feel less perfect. To gives her the security of our undying love for her.
Extracted fromLyana's blog
"During your sleep, Satan ties three knots at the back of your necks. He breathes the following into them, 'The night is long so keep on sleeping.' If the person wakes and praises Allah, then one of the knots is unfastened. And if he performs ablution, the second knot is unfastened. When he prays, all of the knots are unfastened. After that he will be energetic and happy in the morning. Otherwise he would get up listless and grouchy."
It is also recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim that he said, "When one of you rises from your sleep he should make ablution. He should rinse his nose three times. For Satan stays in the upper part of one's nose during the night."
Al-Bukhari also records that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about a man who sleeps until the morning comes, that is, after the time of the dawn prayer. He said, "That is a man whom Satan has urinated into his two ears."
Waking up knowing....bossom friends are here to stay, past friends are back to refresh those beautiful memories, new friends awaiting for the time to arrive.
Sis Iman is my mentor. She was one of those that came into my life and gave me the freedom to reveal my true abilities and potential. As she is one of those who truly believes in me. Her guidance in helping me to build the humane side of me will always be remembered...always. To meet her again at this trying juncture...is HIS way of putting into place HIS other plans for me. Allhamdulilah.
Bro Moshee. Wow 1997, I didn't realized we met way back then. Now we meet again :). Didn't realized it was that long...that insomniac disease has strucked me...till now. Years back, from dawn till dusk...chatting was like a "staple" activity for me. But I met those through chatting that have made a difference in my life. Bro. Moshee I remember peeping you at the florist shopyou were working...hehe but being a shy lady..."very the shy" to approach. To meet someone...without expecting it and recalling those beautiful memories...is WOWnderful. True friends will come back if HE permits. Welcome back, my dear friends.
Mr Sunshine said Hii..to me today. I'm bright today. With hope it stays. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/08/2003 11:11:00 AM
HE made me feel today...
Allhamdulilah. The light heartedness sinked in today. Insya Allah, it will be forever. I am disgusted with myself for dwelling in devilish thoughts...after seeing her. Who is her?...will reveal soon:).
I am trying my very best to like HIM more. To love HIM more than i love or i will love anyone else. I want HIM to remind me not to forsake HIM..not even for a second. I know I am trying my very best and it will blossom. HE knows best as HE sees all and HE hears all. HE the Almighty. Insya Allah.
Dedicated to her,
Your nerves are not alerting you,
But you are still smiling,
Your anus is not at the created place,
But you are still smiling,
You ease through a tube that link to a bag for all to see,
But you are still smiling,
Your feet slumbers...not knowing when it will wakes up,
But you are still smiling,
Your dear one that vowed...till death do us apart...
is leaving without u knowing,
But you are still smiling,
In HIS eyes...you are not less his UMAT,
In OUR eyes...you are not less a woman, a sister, a daughter and a wife.
In MY eyes...you are my pillar for my strengths...You are my HERO.
I have promised myself to saunter under the morning sun to see you every morning.
I will. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/08/2003 01:45:00 AM
Seek peaceful, heart, mind and soul from...
"(Iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka menjadi tenteram dengan mengingat Allah. Ingatlah hanya dengan mengingat Allah hati menjadi tenteram"(Surah Ar-Rad (Guruh); Ayat 28)
Allhamdulillah. HE keeps me strong. Keeps me strong from all devilish acts and thoughts. At times , I still dwell in devilish thoughts for answers that i will never gain because the wound is still healing... but HE always pulled me back strongly. HE will heal it.
My parents have been my confidants, i seek guidance from them. Both of them have been calm in accepting what I have gone through. Their smiles never leave their faces...and their calm advise have always been, "It is HIS way of wanting you to learn from it, HE has other plans for you. Don't dwell, if you keep dwelling over it...means you have not succumb to HIS fate (redha)." I'm suprised they are still smiling...only sweet blessed words came out from their mouth, not a single word of "devilish acts", as they believe in HIM. My mother is silently hoping for a better tomorrow for me..n the day after...n the day after. We grow closer...she has seen me at my lowest point and she has never leave or turn away from me..from that moment. Syukran.
I don't want to defy HIM. Never.
I want HIM to bless my every acts. InsyaAllah
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 07:51:00 PM
HE has taken him away...for HIS other plan.
Just secs ago, received an aeriel cue...Jia Xin (peep down to know more about him) passed away today at around 2.15pm...at the age of 13 years old.
Rain, Rain Go away, Little Jia Xin wants to sleep,
Rain, Rain Go away, it's time for him to sleep,
Rain, Rain Go away, the time has come for him to sleep till...
Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi orang yang mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah mati.
He taught me how to smile when I am overwhelmed with fear. Thank you.
I am still "digesting" his departure...knowing me...it will take awhile for me to "digest" it...till it welled up inside and drain out.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 03:16:00 PM
I didn't realized they mean so much to me...
Insomniac disease strucked again. When this disease strucks me, blogging is the best remedy and of course midnight prayers help to calm one disturbed soul. I couldn'r slumber, wandering...will he wakes up tomorrow..and the day after and the day after...will he..? I would lurve to c his big clear eyes. I would lurve to engage in a conversation with him...as a person with autism is one honest being...who can't lie...they can't hide their ignorant and oblivious mind. Their ignorance..causes humour and at times there are lots of truth to what they say. I didn't realized he mean so much to me. I kept remembering his giggly smile when i sang to him.
Last Tuesday, during Sports day, one of my child went missing. For about 5 minutes... i silently went berserk. His mom face went pale. This special child is precious to her. Precious to me too. He was one of those students that I taught during my early years of teaching. Bond has been created not just with him but also his family. The whole stadium of people were assigned to search for him. With HIS help, within that short period..he was found across the running track. He was about to exit from the the other side of the stadium. If it had been 5 minutes late...he would have been missing for long. After the reconciliation, i sat with his mum and him, we realized that he has been eyeing the route from his seat to the exit, silently. He has taken the shortest route to the exit. He is 10 years old, a child with middle functioning autism. He has slurred speech, only his family and those who are familiar with him can comprehend or understands what he is verbalizing. Thus, if he does go missing...only GOD knows. He went missing twice during the fasting month last year...Allhamdulillah he was found.
About 2 years ago, one of our students, a 7 years old Malay boy with autism, was found dead on the ground floor of a neighbourhood block in Pasir Ris. No one knows the cause of it. One possibility was... he jumped from a high floor...I have the newspaper article laying somewhere around my room. Will put it up once i found. HE has other plans for him.
The same boy aboved...i will called him Fitri (not his real name..but i lurve this name :). Fitri passed away during the fasting month and it was during the school holiday. About two weeks before his death, we were having a mini year- end party in one of the classrooms. Fitri has always been known as the "dasher". He will dash as fast as lightning. His teacher had to be extra careful. During the party, Fitri was placed in one of the cubicle, while the teacher went out to get some food for him. It was just for a very very very short while. The teacher entered the cubicle...and he was gone. Everybody was petrified...some of us went to search for him. We heard shouting from the swimming pool area, "Fitrii !! Fitri!!!...". It was one of the teachers shouting....with the principal in sight. He was found floating in the swimming pool with his clothes on. BUT...but...the swimming pool gate was locked. There is only one entrance. It was padlocked. How did he enter? Only GOD knows. He lurves swimming and it was just a week before, he was taught how to float. That was his last swim....He knew GOD has other plans for him. He knew.
THEY mean so much to me. As they have seen me grown. I spent my growing up years with THEM.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/04/2003 07:47:00 AM
Heart Failure..
I remember sleeping beside him during an overnight camp. He couldn't sleep and it was raining. I sang a lullaby for him to slumber. It backfired, my lullaby became a dosage for him to stay awake the whole night. He kept snuggling beside me....with his clear big eyes looking at me. His eyes were asking for a snuggle hug. To keep himself warmth. I gave him all the warmth he wants as I want him to feel comfortable. I want him to feel at ease, as he was away from home. Away from his loved ones, he only had me as his companion.
That was about 4 years back, he was just 9 years old. A child with autism. Rarely verbalize, only verbalize to express his wants and needs. Only verbalize to those who is comfortable with, I was one of those he comes to. Since the camp, whenever he sees me he will say, "Sing Teacher F..Sing" and he will leave a trail of giggle behind those words.
Today, I was told he has been admitted to ICU for the past three days due to heart failure. At the age of 13 years old...iyeshhh...14 years old, I was dumbfounded...the feverish feeling strucked me again. I was speechless...no words can described what i was feeling at that moment...my eyes were doing the talking. My body was numb...my heart shrinked. GOD knows best. HE has other plan for this young boy.
" Rain..Rain Go away....Little JX wanna sleep, Rain...Rain Go away...it's time for him to sleep."
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/03/2003 10:33:00 PM
Nyaris..Nyaris..
I wouldn't be here now if my time has come yesterday. One moment I have just finished talking on the phone with a friend. A friend from my past that has comes back. Has been meeting those from my past....good feeling about that. Suddenly, I was standing just few inches in front of a blue pick- up...I was there standing...everything went blank..I was shocked..I could feel my temperature rise and turned cold...feverish cold. It took me awhile to get back to reality and walked off to the safer ground. Now, I could still feel the "feverish shock". I can't describe whether it was fear i was feeling...but my loved ones faces and voices were in my thoughts. It could have been the time. Ajal ditangan tuhan.
Allhamdulillah I woke up today in one piece and in good healt..although I could still feel the feverish shock. It is about time for me to wake up in tranquility not wake up in fear. Wake up to be HIS better Umat.
Past failure has taught me to be a better muslim. This failure has taught me to be a better lady. A lady to be loved and a lady to love. Insya Allah. We learnt when we redha with the failures that we have faced. Allhamdulillah.
Total extraction from an email.
Subject: AJAL
Dgn Nama Mu Ya Allah Yg Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang. Selawat dan Salam ke Atas Rasulullah SAW.
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah -- "TAKUTLAH KEPADA ALLAH"
Ingatlah pada kematian setiap saat.
BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM
Baginda Rasullullah S.A.W berkata:
"Apabila telah sampai ajal seseorang itu maka akan masuklah satu kumpulan malaikat ke dalam
lubang-lubang kecil dalam badan dan kemudian mereka menarik rohnya melalui kedua-dua telapak
kakinya sehingga sampai kelutut. Setelah itu datang pula sekumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk
menarik roh dari lutut hingga sampai ke perut dan kemudiannya mereka keluar. Datang lagi satu
kumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk dan menarik rohnya dari perut hingga sampai ke dada dan
kemudiannya mereka keluar. Dan akhir sekali datang lagi satu kumpulan malaikat masuk dan menarik roh dari dadanya hingga sampai ke kerongkongdan itulah yang dikatakan saat nazak orang itu." Sambung Rasullullah S.A.W. lagi:
"Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang yang beriman, maka malaikat Jibrail A.S. akan menebarkan
sayapnya yang disebelah kanan sehingga orang yang nazak itu dapat melihat kedudukannya di syurga. Apabila orang yang beriman itu melihat syurga, maka dia akan lupa kepada orang yang berada disekelilinginya. Ini adalah kerana sangat rindunya pada syurga dan melihat terus pandangannya kepada sayap Jibrail A.S. Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang munafik, maka Jibrail A.S. akan menebarkan sayap disebelah kiri Maka orang yang nazak tu dapat melihat kedudukannya di neraka dan dalam masa itu orang itu tidak lagi melihat orang disekelilinginya.
Ini adalah kerana terlalu takutnya apabila melihat neraka yang akan menjadi tempat tinggalnya".
Dari sebuah hadis bahawa apabila Allah S.W.T. menghendaki seorang mukmin itu dicabut nyawanya maka datanglah malaikat maut.
Apabila malaikat maut hendak mencabut roh orang mukmin itu dari arah mulut maka keluarlah zikir dari mulut orang mukmin itu dengan berkata:
"Tidak ada jalan bagimu mencabut roh orang ini melalui jalan ini kerana orang ini sentiasa menjadikan lidahnya berzikir kepada Allah S.W.T." Setelah malaikat maut mendengar penjelasan itu, maka dia pun kembali kepada Allah S.W.T. dan menjelaskan apa yang diucapkan oleh lidah orang mukmin itu. Lalu Allah S.W.T. berfirman yang bermaksud:
"Wahai malaikat maut, kamu cabutlah rohnya dari arah lain."
Sebaik saja malaikat maut mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T. maka malaikat maut pun cuba mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan. Tapi keluarlah sedekah dari arah tangan orang mukmin itu, keluarlah usapan kepala anak-anak yatim dan keluar penulisan ilmu Maka berkata tangan: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah ini,tangan ini telah mengeluarkan sedekah, tangan ini mengusap kepala anak-anak yatim dan tangan ini menulis ilmu pengetahuan." Oleh kerana malaikat maut gagal untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah kaki. Malangnya malaikat maut juga gagal melakukan sebab kaki berkata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana kaki ini sentiasa berjalan berulang alik mengerjakan solat dengan berjemaah dan kaki ini juga berjalan menghadiri majlis-majlis ilmu." Apabila gagal malaikat maut,mencabut roh org mukmin dari arah kaki, maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah telinga. Sebaik saja malaikat maut menghampiri telinga maka telinga pun berkata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana telinga ini sentiasa mendengar bacaan Al-Quran dan zikir." Akhir sekali malaikat maut cuba mencabut orang mukmin dari arah mata tetapi baru saja hendak menghampiri mata maka berkata mata: "Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini sebab mata ini sentiasa melihat beberapa mushaf dan kitab-kitab dan mata ini sentiasa menangis kerana takutkan Allah." Setelah gagal maka malaikat maut kembali kepada Allah S.W.T Kemudian Allah S.W.T. berfirman yang bermaksud: "Wahai malaikatKu, tulis AsmaKu diitelapak tanganmu dan tunjukkan kepada roh orang yang beriman itu." Sebaik saja mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T. maka malaikat maut menghampiri roh orang itu dan menunjukkan Asma Allah S.W.T. Sebaik saja melihat Asma Allah dan cintanya kepada Allah S.W.T maka keluarlah roh tersebut dari arah mulut dengan tenang.
Abu Bakar R.A. telah ditanya tentang kemana roh pergi setelah ia keluardari jasad. Maka berkata
Abu Bakar R.A: "Roh itu menuju ketujuh tempat:
1. Roh para Nabi dan utusan menuju ke Syurga Adnin.
2. Roh para ulama menuju ke Syurga Firdaus.
3. Roh mereka yang berbahagia menuju ke Syurga Illiyyina.
4. Roh para shuhada berterbangan seperti burung di syurga mengikut kehendak mereka.
5. Roh para mukmin yang berdosa akan tergantung di udara tidak dibumi tidak dilangit sampai hari
kiamat.
6. Roh anak-anak orang yang beriman akan berada di gunung dari minyak misik.
7. Roh orang-orang kafir akan berada dalam neraka Sijjin, mereka diseksa berserta jasadnya hingga
sampai hari Kiamat."
Telah bersabda Rasullullah S.A.W :
"Tiga kelompok manusia yang akan dijabat tangannya oleh para malaikat pada hari
mereka keluar dari kuburnya :
1. Orang-orang yang mati syahid.
2. Orang-orang yang mengerjakan solat malam dalam bulan ramadhan.
3. Orang berpuasa di hari Arafah.
Sekian untuk ingatan kita bersama. Wassallam.
*Kalau rajin.....Tolong sebarkan kisah ini kepada saudara Islam yang lain. Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi orang yang Mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah mati.
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/03/2003 11:39:00 AM
The Amazing Race..I am proud of THEM.
In conjunction with Childrens' Day celebration. We have planned a Rainbow Race 2003...Sports day cum Childrens' Day celebration. This is the first time we had it and I believe more to come.
I am proud to see my children ran with much passion and energy.
I am proud to see them reaching the finishing line.
I am proud to see them came running to me showing off the medals that they have won.
I am proud to see THEY are proud of themselves.
I am proud to see their parents proud smile.
I am proud to be in their life.
I am proud to be there and to be amongst those who stays to make a difference in the life of others.
It was an exhausting experience but was worthwhile.
After the event, I received an aeriel cue from one of the parents. "I am happy to see my husband and son proud smile and happy faces. It's been long since i see my husband in this state of happiness. Thank you. GOOD job!".
There are those who will truly appreciate you and keen to keep you for a lifetime. It could be due a small act of kindness that you offer but without you realizing it.... that small act, does make a big difference in their life. More years to come in doing what I am doing now and throughout these years...I have grown up to be a humane lady I am today. Lots of learning experience have made me a different and insya Allah better individual.
I remember about 4 years ago. I am rather passive and I would keep my opinions to myself. As my fear is that my opinions will be the laughing stock of others. I was not confident enough of my ablility to stand where I am standing now. I have always have good intentions but not knowing how to express it to others. My involvement in community works and youth group and of course me as a Special Educator...has add on to my positive characteristics. I am a human..I have my weaknesses...I do. I am not perfect. No one will be perfect and I won't be either. But I would rather use my strength and improve my weaknesses than dwelling on my imperfections.
Now, I'm a different person. Life experiences have taught me to a be a better me. Allhamdulillah. Hmm...how should I describe myself...never good at this. Let others judge me...Let others...
Insomniac disease strucked at 10/01/2003 08:21:00 PM
Disembarking.
|I'm leaving|
|I'm leaving|
Life is a Cycle of Serendipity.
I plan. HE decides.
HE has other plans for me.
When HEloves you.
HE creates obstacles for you to learnt from.
HE creates challenges to make you love HIM more.
HE will never forsake you.
BecauseHEtruly loves you.
Every challenges comes with pleasant suprises.
Insya Allah.
HEtaught me.
I have learnt from it.
HE is guiding me towards the lighted path.
HE will always be in my heart.
HE will always be on my mind.
Allah, I love you.
Thank you, Allah.
Serenade to..
You Are Never Alone
by Zain Bhikha