Past Rhapsody.The UnGuarded Heart...
Do They Know?
Do they know I miss them?
Do they know my mum always remember them?
Do they know my family hope for their presence?
Do they know?
I am happy to see that you are in a bless condition. I am happy that you are happy. Could see the happiness in YOU...you were glowing. I could also see the tears in your eyes when we met and when we parted. Please allow us to share your joy, happiness, laughter and sorrow too.
I try to submit to slumberland....but to no avail...what i see today make me wonder..make me think. At times...it is better to doze off and relinquish these thoughts.
Had a conversation with my mum. It is good to see that our mother- daughter relationship is growing. We can talk openly...i can trust her with my hopes and my dreams. I can also trust her to give good advices. Her advices and her last words always left me to ponder...
Always end your hope..your thoughts...or whatever expectations and wishes with Insya Allah. Always.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/31/2003 01:08:00 AM
Happy Checher Day !!!!
Last 3 days have been PARTYing all de way...suprises after suprises..popping out of nowhere...
On Wednesday...the afternoon caregivers have hand crafted abt 65 party hats for the teachers and therapists....for the SUPRISE HAT PARTY... and each of us did a limbo :)..Woohooo..A mammiaaaa...delicious catered food. The parents and the caregivers of the morning session came up with special performances...ESPECIALLY for us the teachers and educators...how sweet can that be.
On Thursday..FREE buffet lunch by the senior staffs...I was the first 5 to scooppp e FREE food. Kiasuuuu. One it comes to food..kiasuism spread. My mentor (Head of Programme)..our great Mentor...SHE is my inspiration. SHE was dragged all the way to the pool for a BIG SPLASH. I was one of the dragger and "earned" myself a WET back...when out of nowhere water came splashing on my back....opppsss translucent clothings for e day...hehe bikini line was exposed.
On friday...the afternoon session parents and caregivers...suprised us with another TERESA TENG party...hehe they actually dedicated Teresa Teng's song that...goes "Wa ai....' opps i forgot the rest. The song moved me . I could feel their sincerity when they presented the song. One of the parents delivered a "TOUCHY" speech specially dedicated to US. I was controlling my tears valve. Her son is leaving us this year and this will be her last teacher's day celebration with us. That's upset her most. It is going to be my last Teacher's Day celebration too and for a few of us in my programme. gosh...i am controlling my tears valve while typing this sentence. Where will most of us be NEXT YEAR?
On the same day...the awaiting party..was held. My class came up with FINDING NEMO Party. A farewell party for one of my student who is leaving us for mainstream. In some way, I was sad to see that he has to leave us but at the same time happy to see that he is moving on to a better setting. I was his first teacher when he first came and was glad to be a part of his life and hope that I have made a difference in his life. As he has definitely made a difference in my life. All my kids have.
FINDING NEMO PARTY-
The classroom was fully decorated with psychedelic streamers...stones (painted by the kids), plastic/ paper fishes & sea creatures drawn and painted by the kids :) and Finding nemo figurines...are the DECO highlight.
My monyetz performed to a crowd of enthusiastic teachers, therapist and friends. They danced to BEACH BOYS tunes. They were dressed in half their birthday suits... in their swimming trunks and swim suits. I was guilty in bribing them to be in such state of sexiness..:). Would lurve to post their pics here...hmmm maybe temporary posting as permission has to be granted. At the end of the performance everybody let their hair down and for me let my tudung floww....to the boggie tunes....:)We boogied till the bell...rinngggg.
Poem by JW dedicated to his friends and his teachers:
Poem dedicated to the teachers:
Poem by his friends dedicated to Jun Wei:
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/30/2003 08:17:00 PM
The Love Prayer...
Any one up to the challenge of translating this doa in English...anyone?
Doa Cinta
Bismillah..
Allahu Rabbi aku minta izin
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Jangan biarkan cinta untuk-Mu berkurang
Hingga membuat lalai akan adanya Engkau
Allahu Rabbi
Aku punya pinta
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Penuhilah hatiku dengan bilangan cinta-Mu yang tak terbatas
Biar rasaku pada-Mu tetap utuh
Allahu Rabbi
Izinkanlah bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Pilihkan untukku seseorang yang hatinya penuh dengan kasih-Mu
dan membuatku semakin mengagumi-Mu
Allahu Rabbi
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh hati
Pertemukanlah kami
Berilah kami kesempatan untuk lebih mendekati cinta-Mu
Allahu Rabbi
Pintaku terakhir adalah seandainya kujatuh hati
Jangan pernah Kau palingkan wajah-Mu dariku
Anugerahkanlah aku cinta-Mu...
Cinta yang tak pernah pupus oleh waktu
If he/she creates an ultimate desire for you to be a better person to HIM and HIS creations. He/she maybe the answer to your prayer. Insya Allah.
Let your new found life be bless by HIS blessings.Let it be a journey that lead you to paradise. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/27/2003 01:46:00 AM
NowWhyTwo- OAG
tiada terlintas langsung
nawai2ku untuk menduwakan dirimu
suqa ragaku murka ja-zatmu
tiada terlintas langsung
nawai2ku untuk mempersoalkan caramu
suqa ragaku murka ja-zatmu
tiada yang lain melainkan NYA 3x
Tiada yang maha selain diri-NYA
yang maha mengasehi
yang maha menyayangi
Tiada yang maha selain diri-NYA
yang maha mengerti
yang maha mengampuni..........
Aooohhhhhhwayaya
langsung tiada tercantas
nawai2ku untuk mempersoalkan caramu
suka ragaku murka ja-zatmu
Aooohhhhhhwayaya
tiada yang lain melainkan-NYA
Alaika
Alaika hu alam 4x
I am seeking solace in HIM, for serenity in accepting serendipity. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/24/2003 07:23:00 PM
One moment...
One moment you are laughing...one moment you are smiling and one moment sensitivity sink in...all changes. My feel- o- meter now, LOW...Why? Don't Know. When sensitivity sink in, I will serenade myself with melancholy songs to tempt me to slumberland. And when it failed to tempt me to slumber, i blogged myself to slumber.....n when blogging failed...just let the eyes do the slumbering. Doa is the best remedy.....it has to be.
My fingers are not doing the talking.....I will just let my eyes do the slumbering...
Dear She,
You were my companion when my sensitivity sink it. You "lift" me up and drowned my sensitivity with your unlimited dosage of wisdom. Remember i'm a network away...a dial away. Remember me. Insya Allah, ME be there. Muahssssssss :). Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan.
Yesterday has past. It is going to be better tomorrow. I will pace myself from tomorrow. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/23/2003 12:52:00 AM
Serenity Vs Calamity
When uneasy feelings engulfed your serenity, devilz awakened from their slumber. Let them perish in your prayers. Let HIM ease your calamity.
You have been in my prayer....We plan. Let HIM decide..
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/18/2003 10:39:00 PM
The Sinking feeling
I can't stop blogging. in one day i post multiple posts. Today, I posted TWICE. Why? Maybe I have lots to express....reaching the stage of expressing one needs and desire to be someone's someone :).Whether the day will come...I don't know. at times I strongly feel it is possible...n at times this Sinking feeling will sink in. Been about two months since I started blogging...Allhamdulilah I have not strayed from my blogging objective..:)My grammar have been atrocious...n my vocabs...have been limited. But amazingly, that does not deter me from expressing myself...pardon me for my grammatically incorrect...visual expression. It is the sincerity of the visual expression that matters.
The track that has been playing on repeat mode in my mind:-
posted this song before...can't help it...posting it again...:)
Jamrud- Pelangi Di Matamu
tiga puluh menit kita di sini
tanpa suara
dan aku resah harus menunggu lama
kata darimu
mungkin butuh kursus merangkai kata untuk bicara
dan aku benci harus jujur padamu tentang semua ini
jam dinding pun tertawa,
kar'na 'ku hanya diam dan membisu
ingin kumaki diriku sendiri yang tak berkutik di depanmu
ada yang lain di senyummu ,
yang membuat lidahku gugup tak bergerak
ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu 2x
mungkin sabtu nanti kuungkap semua isi di hati
dan akku benci harus jujur padamu tentang semua ini
jam dinding pun tertawa,
kar'na 'ku hanya diam dan membisu
ingin kumaki diriku sendiri yang tak berkutik di depanmu
ada yang lain di senyummu ,
yang membuat lidahku gugup tak bergerak
ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu 2x
Now, let's succumb to waiting hibernation. Just don't let it Stale. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/17/2003 01:33:00 PM
Watched a makeover show on tcs 5 called Extreme Makeover. The so called lucky contestants were selected to undergo EXTREME MAKEOVER that includes.....plastic surgery to superficially remove their imperfections. Masya Allah...Every episodes 3 "lucky" contestants are chosen. All 3 contestants do not have any drastic imperfections...just minute facial flaws...like hook nose...extra buckle fat on the cheeks...extra fats...n normal facial flaw complaints that we at times indulged to. They might have find their HEAVEN on earth...but those beautify experiences have gained them a place in....Masya Allah.
I am guilty of indulging myself to "imperfection complaints"...Lots of time I complained to have clear porcelain skin..lean lower body to fit any pants i desire..:)...buckle fat free face to look awww sweet with tudung on...I complainnnnnn. But whenever I see permanent dastric physical imperfections that others have to endure...and they have to live with it...I thank HIM. Allhamdulillah for what I have.
Every single visitation that I receive from my little sister called Pimples and Big Brother called Acne...I asked myself what have I done wrong this time?...Did I? Maybe I miss my prayer...maybe I forgor HIM for a moment...Maybe I praise myself to a great height...Maybe.
Daily prayer while donning yourself infront of the mirror:
"Puji bagi Allah, Ya Tuhanku, sebagaimana Engkau telah membaguskan rupaku, maka baguskanlah budi pekertiku."
About a year ago....I read the daily prayer aboved as:" Puji bagi Allah, Ya Tuhanku, sebagaimana Engkau telah membaguskan budi pekertiku, maka baguskan rupaku"..total opposite :). and I had a major facial discrepancy. I looked horrendous. I succumbed myself to isolation. Relinquish my social life. Probably this was HIS way to show me to better myself. Insya Allah.
Allah has created woman from:
Woman was made from the rib of man. She was not made created from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be stepped upon. She was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, near his heart to be loved by him
HE has created every part of our being with reasons and HE has given us the BEST.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/17/2003 12:17:00 PM
SPIRITUAL STANDING OF WOMEN ...We may lead THEM to Heaven and We may lead them to Hell....
These Hadiths are too "beautiful"...to be ignored...let's reminisce our past deeds to be a better UMAT...and of course a better WOMAN ..:)
The Hadith describes the good wife as follows:
"The virtuous wife, if her husband bids her, she obeys him; if he looks at her, she pleases him; if he gives her an oath; she fulfils it, and if he is absent from her, she guards herself and his property."[142] (Ibn Magah)
"The best women are those who have the prettiest faces and the cheapest dowry."[143]--->Ladies take note of this....don't suffocate your man or drown him to bankruptcy...:). A male acquaintance once asked me, "Where do you live?" and when i told him I live in the eastern part of S'pore. He told me that the value of dowry at my area is very HIGH. Hahaha...Nonsense..:P. Such a shallow thinking...He has to be MAT KAHWIN2...
"The good wife is out of this world because she helps free you to concentrate on the life to come. She does that by doing her house duties (instead of the husband having to do them), and by satisfying the husband sexually so protecting him from sexual temptation."[144]
Although women protect man's eternal destiny, by guarding them against committing adultery, they themselves are perceived as being very dangerous to men.
Ghazali reported the following Hadith:
"When a woman comes she comes in the form of a devil."[145]
And it is believed that the majority of them will end up in Hell.
Dr. M. al-Buti addresses Muslim Girls saying, "Know that this temptation which afflicts the man is due to you."[147]
Commenting on the Qur'an 3:13 (Decked out fair to men is the love of lusts- Women, children, heaped up heaps of gold and silver, horses of mark, cattle and tillage.)
Dr. Buti said:
"God regarded woman as the first ranking lusts which He placed in the way of mankind... The woman then is absolutely the greatest affliction in a man's life."[148]
"The prophet of Allah said to Fatima, his daughter, 'What is best for a woman?' She replied, 'That she does not see a man and not be seen by a man'. He being pleased with her answer hugged her and said, 'An offspring resembling its origin.' The companions used to block the windows and the holes in the walls of their houses, so that the women do not look to men. ... 'Omar said, 'Do not dress the women (nicely) and they will remain inside the house' for they will not go outside in tattered clothes. He also said, 'Get your women used to the word 'No'."[149]
Bukhari recorded the following Hadith:
'O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women)."[150]
And Muslim recorded:
"Amongst the inmates of Paradise the women would form the minority."[151]
Dr. Mohammad al-Buti, a modern writer sees that the reason the majority of women will end up in Hell is because they fail in their most important task thus causing men to stumble.[152]
Thus women represent the greatest stumbling block to men's worship and their eternal destiny as the following Hadith state:
"Had it not been for women, God would have truly, truly been worshipped."[153]
"There is no calamity I fear on my nation more than women and wine."[154]
"Men perished, the day they obeyed the women."[155]
We may lead THEM to heaven and also to HELL fire...It is our duty and responsibility to lead the path to heaven for US and for THEM.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/15/2003 09:01:00 PM
CPR Anyone...?
Feeling Suffocated...
Feeling Agitated...
Still Undecided...
This heavy feeling comes and goes...
In school...
My monyetz have been WOWnderful. Their autistic forte still there but it seems that the more space I am giving them to EXPLORE and to GROW...the "less autistic" they are becoming. I know there's no cure to autism but with our help...insya Allah we will be able to make this WORLD a more adaptable place for them to live in.
I've realized that whenever I am having my one to one time with a child....I tend to get emotional...I always end it with a hug...I am getting very huggyyyy..:). Is it because I am leaving ? I will miss them.
Soon I will be there...Will it be the same here and better for US? I don't know.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/14/2003 10:13:00 PM
Changes....
It has just been abt 2 months since i started blogging...n my blogspot has undergone multiple uplifts....:) hmmm..this one still not e best. Not too sure how long will this new layout will last...depends on my interest spans..
As much changes this blogspot has undergone...much changes have taken place in my life. The "coming" of new beings. Not one...not two but....I will be leaving soon...and....
At times...or would I say most of the time...I BLOGGed for my own "understanding". Perceive it in your own "understanding"....
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/11/2003 10:59:00 PM
Mercy Killing...
Since I found the articles that I posted earlier....that gruesome discovery...lead to more and more discoveries. I remembered one of the most publicised case that happened in1998.
The death case of a 13 year old girl with severe autism, that caused an uproar within the Special Needs Community. Stephanie Jobin, was suffocated to death in a group home for those with Special needs in Ontario, Canada. The caregivers claimed that they resorted to physical restraint as to prevent her from attacking them.They pinned her face down on the floor, placed a beanbag chair on her chest, with a staff member sitting on the bean bag, another staff holding down her feet. They claimed it to be a crisis intervention technique as to prevent her from injuring others from her attacks or attempts at self-injury.
During the incident, which lasted about 20 minutes, Stephanie began to turn blue and the workers called 911. But her breathing had stopped and she suffered severe brain damage. Her father was never told the true cause of her death.
Read on at...Stephanie Jobin
The "rationale" behind Mercy Killing.....TOTAL BULL****
The excuse often used to justify murder of autistics is that the autistic will never have a high quality of life - he'll be confined to an institution, he won't be able to communicate, and he won't even be able to experience the emotions of joy, happiness, and love. THEY can with our HELP.
If your child, is not perfect or what you hoped for, God has not punished, you for past deeds. He has given you an opportunity that you may not yet understand. Make the most of the situation, for you are in it for a purpose, and there are rewards, that you never imagined possible.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/10/2003 04:35:00 PM
I was surfing....and was grief stricken and disgusted to come across this piece of SHOCKING infos...
Got the article below from Murder of Autistics
Murder of Autistics
This is the most difficult page to write on my site. The reason it is difficult is that these atrocities are still happening today - autistics are being killed simply because they are autistic. I'm sorry, but these pages will be hard for anyone who has respect for the lives of autistics to read. There is simply no way to present this subject without causing pain - especially in those who relate to the dead. But this subject must be presented, and I must write about it, in the hope that even one murder could be prevented by the words here.
I will also warn the reader that I do not attempt to relate to, condone, or otherwise understand the actions of the murderers. Their acts can not be justified, nor will they be justified on this site.
Sentences Received
In most cases, the courts have found the parents, doctors, or caregivers who caused the death of these autistics guilty. However, it is only rarely for murder, and sentences tend to be very light. (note that I do not have sentencing information for all the murders on this page) For example:
Casey Albury's Mother - 5 months, manslaughter (Casey was strangled)
Dale Bartolome's Father - committed suicide (Dale was shot)
Charles Blais's Mother - 23 month suspended sentence - 1 year in halfway house, no jail time served (Charles was drowned)
Gabriel Britt - trial is still in progress (Gabriel was suffocated)
Mitchell Dickson's Mother - original arraignment dismissed, awaiting possible re-arraignment (Mitchell bled to death after being stabbed)
Brahim Dukes's Stepmother - trial is still in progress (Brahim was starved)
Matthew Goodman's caregivers - Fines for abuse, neglect, and leaving Matthew in restraints unattended; no criminal charges, however (Matthew Goodman died as a result of receiving too much medication and being improperly restrained)
Stephanie Jobin's caregivers - While an inquest was held, this was not a court trial and did not result in any judgment against the home (Stephanie died from suffocation after being restrained under a beanbag and the weight of several caregivers)
Justin Malphus's Mother - Life + 60 years in prison, murder; social workers faced 15 and 20 day suspensions due to improperly investigating Justin's circumstances prior to his murder (Justin was drowned)
Pierre Pasquiou's Mother - 3 year suspended sentence (Pierre was drowned)
Mark Owens-Young-Rogan's Mother - committed suicide (Mark's mother jumped off a bridge with him)
Tanaka's Father - 3 year suspended sentence, no time served (Takana was strangled)
Willie Wright's caregivers - no consequences of any kind (Willie died due to the way he was restrained in a mental hospital)
Out of the cases mentioned here, only one received a significant sentence. Many did not serve any jail time, and others felt no consequences at all for their actions. For comparison, I searched for murders of non-autistic children, and picked the first 5 I saw that did not involve sexual assault (note that some of the autistics murdered were not children, although most were):
A Johannesburg South African man was jailed for 8 years for simply planning the murder of his child
Megan Dail's murderer, a drunk driver, was sentenced to life+26 months for causing an accident which killed 4 year-old Megan
Ashley Smithson's Mother's boyfriend was sentenced to life without parole for beating 2 year-old Ashley to death
Nahaman Carmona Lopez, a 13 year old Guatemalan street kid, was murdered by 4 police officers who kicked him to death. The four officers were sentenced to 12 years imprisonment and ordered to pay a total of 20,000 Quetzales to the boy's mother
Kennedy McFarlane's Mother's boyfriend was sentenced to life in prison for beating 3 year-old Kennedy to death.
The obvious conclusion is awful. A man who planned on murdering his child or who got into a car accident after drinking faces years in prison while parents who planned and executed the murder of their children get off without any jail time, simply because their children happened to be autistic.
More at....Murder of Autistics
Are they HUMAN?...GOD is fair.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/10/2003 01:56:00 AM
Everything still new to me....
New...layout...not perfect but better...constant upgrading will be done. Just can't stand misalignments. I have short interest span...new layout will keep appearing when I'm all boot up..:)You have to stay to one dear...:)
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/09/2003 02:14:00 PM
I have BOOTed UP....
Had a plate of cockles..."bowl" :) of laughter....met new concubines opps...new acquaintances. Insya Allah for the better. TWO in one nite...WOWnderful...:)
I am all PERK up tonite ...I will not quarantine myself in my comfort zone...I will be opened to ALL possibilities...I shall welcome any halal beings...:)Why wasn't I OPEN to all these possibilities 6 years ago? TOO shy...perhaps not now.
It was one for the little girl who lives down the lane...now...it is...?
TEARs in your heart is more painful than TEARs in your eyes...no eye mo...for that...=|.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 11:51:00 PM
No hoping...No craving...will make me a happier me. Insya Allah.
Thank you for the shortlived moments.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 08:07:00 PM
I've just realized that my blogspot layout appear differently on pc systems with different screen resoultions. I have been editing my blogspot on my system that carries screen resolution of 1024x 768. It looks fine... the way I want my blogspot to be. But when I opened my blogspot on system that carries screen resolution of 800x 600... it looked all OUTTTT...hate this....I am stimulating already....flapping my hands in anger....arrgh the autistic "steaming" in me.
So I thought, I've made a smart action by changing my system screen resolution to 800x 600....so that I can edit my blogspot in that format...But YUCKS....my screen looked "constipated"...but anyway since I was informed that most pc system.... screen resolution of 800x 600...hmm i thought y not cater to this larger viewers....but...but....but...problems not solved...hmmm...maybe new layout to come...once i boot up :).
Cindy...need ur professional help...:) FOC..ok
Booting up.....
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 06:37:00 PM
Lots of changes will be taking place in my life soon....
.....will be moving to a new abode. I'm looking forward to my new abode but not looking forward to share my comfort zone with my sister. Yesh...I am a selfish sister, I won't denied that :). Although I am the eldest child but I am more "manja", where else my sister is more submissive :).
I will be leaving on a jet plane soon to a strange land to reach higher learning. Hopefully, it will be a platform for me to reach my dream. I can't believe I'm going to be away in a strange land...alone. All alone. Will I be leaving my motherland with commitment in hand?. I have been asking questions which I have no answers to. I hope the answers will come soon as uncomfortable feeling is welling inside of me. I "detest" every moments this feeling seems to take control of my immune system. My immune system might shut down soon, if no actions are taken. Very soon.
I may not re-energize tomorrow...
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/06/2003 11:40:00 PM
One of my kids ever told me not once but MOREEE than once, "Teacher Fadzilah, you're SO UNFAIR." He was right. I wouldn't denied, at times being HUMAN I did not realized of those UNFAIR moments in disciplining them. He was RIGHT. I DON'T BLAME him. I accepted it and will mend my ways.
Blaming is not an answer to your frustrations. Don't Seek Solace...Seek Solutions.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/06/2003 11:12:00 PM
Singlehood vs Marriage
I was browsing the website for articles on Sex in Islam. Opps. Why? Just innocent pure thoughts of curiousity. No more...No Less.:) As I was in a conversation with my dear fren on some religious issues and yups we did cover the Sex bit...a bit..tiny bit. Curiousity kills the cat :).
And found the topics that I have posted before while surfing...not related with Sex in Islam. Sorry :). Next time, perhaps.
Singlehood is (qouted this from a website) - In preparation for meeting your soul mate, now is the time to develop the burning desire to give. Singlehood is the time to practice becoming a giver. Look around you for opportunities to develop as a giver. Are there poor people? Sick? An elderly neighbor? A lonely relative? Get out of your mindset and see how the other person thinks. This is the first step towards meaningful giving, to becoming the greatest "you" -- in preparation for your soul mate.
At times when i reflected on my current status as a Single woman, I am glad that I was given the time to develop the craving, the absolute burning desire to give. To give whatever needs and wants to my family, my friends and community. I was also given the time to develop the real ME, with no references to anyone that I was infatuated with. I have been making my own decisions with my parents blessing. I went to places and met people that "create" the HUMANE woman I am today.
If I have been spending most part of my singlehood with someone whom I am infatuated with, Will I be the woman I am today?, Will I be able to make my own decisions to go places I want to go OR meeting people that I want to meet OR etc. etc. I'm glad... I was given the time to GROW "alone".
Now, going to 24. Status: Single. Ambition/ Dreams Vs Commitment/ Marriage are feuding in my mind. Which will weigh more on a "Prioritize Scale"?. Which are the needs and which are the wants ?. If I do give in to my desire to be loved, will i be forsaking the sunnah. As a muslim, though I may not be classified under the pious range, I try to be a better muslim each day to HIM and HIS creations. Being a muslim, it is my duty to avoid indulging myself in sinful acts. At times, it is easier to disacknowledge rather than acknowledge our islamic duties as the satanz are working 24 hours shift.
Now, at this moment, I'm not ready to be someone's wife. But I can't answer for tomorrow. Allah knows best. When the time comes, the time comes....then I won't be asking questions that I have no answers to. Fate. I planned, HE decides.
To be pondered....These Qur'anic Injunctions are too beautiful to be ignored...
Importance of Marriage in Islam
Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquillity according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger.
The Qur'an says:
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best. (16:72)
"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." (Hadith - Al-Bukhari)
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." (Al-Bukhari)
The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,
"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."
These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by taqwa.
Conditions of Marriage
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (mandub).
In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride:
"Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."
In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.
Since believing men and women are referred to in the Qur'an, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.
The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Holy Qur'an.
When the time comes....the time comes. It takes two to plan, HE to decide.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/03/2003 09:10:00 PM
Monyetz- the term used for my darlingz students, my joy.
I couldn't tempt myself to slumber. Left turn, right turn, SEDIA, PUSING. Did several rounds on my bed. Gave up and decided to blog to slumberland. Will have to wake up before sunrise. Insya Allah can. Tomorow, my monyetz, me and 4 other teachers will be attending a brunch party at the Istana to meet Mr President, in conjunction with our country's birthday. I will be mama panda with my monyetz walking in twos if i do not submit to slumberland soon.
Today, had an early morning to commit a community deed. Afternoon, submit to slumberland after a tiring morning. Nite, commit a religious deed. :)
Hmmm...What shall i blog to slumber?
hmmm..ok. Recently, I have been thinking about one of my monyetz. Last term, I was yearning for his attention and "LOVE". This term, gained his attention and "LOVE" ...yeahhhh.
The Yearning....
My monyetz: The Egoist, 8 years old, mild autism
Special traits: Speaks in a loud voice with a "Very english" accent. Tends to engage in a conversation with his imaginary friend which he refused to introduce to me. Talks to peers/ teachers by placing his palm in from of the person's face and turn his face away. Walk with a "funny" stride. Has dificulty in accepting corrections for his mistakes. EGO..:).
Others: Early last term, he seemed to "detest" me. As a stepmother in class, my responsibility is to hold an "imaginary" cane to discipline the class. He has difficulty in understanding the rationale behind my disciplinary measures. Whenever I am carrying out my discplinary rounds, he will gave me "angry stares". He often told me off, "Teacher, you are SOOOOO UNFAIR!." He avoided total physical contact with me and avoid calling my name.
Attention has to be gained...My actions.
Slowly....I tried to engage him in 1: 1 quality time with me, away from his peers. I shared with him my role as a teacher and the needs in disciplining him and his peers. I give him frequent pats on his back and reinforces him with praises when he performs/ behaves satisfactorily. Slowly...those pats on his back.."upgrade" to more "physical contacts"....-> "hugs" on his shoulder and more "connections"...:)
An awww incident happened early this term, I showed the class, my photo during a Hari Raya visiting, since our theme for the week was 'Respecting other races culture". He stared at my pic and said, " You wear this funny clothes (baju kurung)...hehe..but you looked pretty...wah". He hold the pic like his prize possession. I was smiling from ear to ear...hehe...to receive such compliment from a child with autism who has difficulty in expressing his thoughts and feelings is a rare moment which I always treasure. I teased him, " You like it so much. You want to keep the photo is it?". Unexpectedly, he said, "Yeahhhhhhh" and carefully kept it in his bag. The last time I checked, it is still in his bag front pocket. I asked his maid about it and she mentioned that he insisted to keep the pic in his bag and occasionally take it out to show her. He has a crush...with an older lady...hheh and it's me...Woohooo.
He taught me that...
*Yawninggggg...
Forty winks for better tomorrow. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/03/2003 03:44:00 AM
Flu- Stricken Week Has Ended...yeehaa
Allhamdulillah...I am well, up and healthy. The flu bugs seemed to be contaminating the air around me. The MC rate in my school was increasing for the past few weeks, glad to see the no. of mc rate is declining.
Had a Star- Strucked Week...
Monday- Four of my princes were chosen to appear in a short promo ad for the upcoming President's Star Charity. Fann Wong and 3 other TCS 8 actress were there. All of them looked "PLASTIC" opps...
1st was their procelain faces...not a single crack line...gosh how thick can their make up be or they are naturally bless with procelain skin...gee i guessed i was just being jealous :P.
2nd...their superficial act...just sooo superficial.
Tuesday- Was star- strucked the day before...got the flu- bug. Denied being sick the previous nite. But the flu bug caught me off gut in the morning. Before I could avoid it, I was flu- stricken. Slumbered till abt. 12pm...and went to get my prescriptions.
Wednesday- Was still flu- stricken. The "happening" of an unpleasant episode. Put up a healthy front and attended school. Appeared in a minute scene on a local "documentary" for Channel News Asia. Wanna know more about it. Catch my flu- stricken face 15th August...at about 9pm on CNA.
Thursday- Still in denial, though the flu bugs were contaminating my health. Got up from my slumber, with a boogie- head and a "Man's" voice...dressed for school...sent home and headed for my $3.00 MC..:). I started to feel good...and hope everything will be fine from here.
Friday- Up and awake...still with a "semi- Man's" voice"...went to school in high- spirit. Went to class, and one of my princes...came up to me...put his hands around me and said," Do you know, I miss you?". Gosh....he "melt" me. I looked at him, gave him a hug and said, "I miss you much much more.". He replied, "Oh, really.", and walked back to his seat. One moment, they made u feel warmth and then they are back to their oblivious mode. But I have never lurve them less :). Thank you my dear prince, you cure me :).
It just takes small thoughtful gestures...to show your love, care and concern.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/01/2003 10:25:00 PM
Do they know I miss them?
Do they know my mum always remember them?
Do they know my family hope for their presence?
Do they know?
I am happy to see that you are in a bless condition. I am happy that you are happy. Could see the happiness in YOU...you were glowing. I could also see the tears in your eyes when we met and when we parted. Please allow us to share your joy, happiness, laughter and sorrow too.
I try to submit to slumberland....but to no avail...what i see today make me wonder..make me think. At times...it is better to doze off and relinquish these thoughts.
Had a conversation with my mum. It is good to see that our mother- daughter relationship is growing. We can talk openly...i can trust her with my hopes and my dreams. I can also trust her to give good advices. Her advices and her last words always left me to ponder...
Always end your hope..your thoughts...or whatever expectations and wishes with Insya Allah. Always.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/31/2003 01:08:00 AM
Happy Checher Day !!!!
Last 3 days have been PARTYing all de way...suprises after suprises..popping out of nowhere...
On Wednesday...the afternoon caregivers have hand crafted abt 65 party hats for the teachers and therapists....for the SUPRISE HAT PARTY... and each of us did a limbo :)..Woohooo..A mammiaaaa...delicious catered food. The parents and the caregivers of the morning session came up with special performances...ESPECIALLY for us the teachers and educators...how sweet can that be.
On Thursday..FREE buffet lunch by the senior staffs...I was the first 5 to scooppp e FREE food. Kiasuuuu. One it comes to food..kiasuism spread. My mentor (Head of Programme)..our great Mentor...SHE is my inspiration. SHE was dragged all the way to the pool for a BIG SPLASH. I was one of the dragger and "earned" myself a WET back...when out of nowhere water came splashing on my back....opppsss translucent clothings for e day...hehe bikini line was exposed.
On friday...the afternoon session parents and caregivers...suprised us with another TERESA TENG party...hehe they actually dedicated Teresa Teng's song that...goes "Wa ai....' opps i forgot the rest. The song moved me . I could feel their sincerity when they presented the song. One of the parents delivered a "TOUCHY" speech specially dedicated to US. I was controlling my tears valve. Her son is leaving us this year and this will be her last teacher's day celebration with us. That's upset her most. It is going to be my last Teacher's Day celebration too and for a few of us in my programme. gosh...i am controlling my tears valve while typing this sentence. Where will most of us be NEXT YEAR?
On the same day...the awaiting party..was held. My class came up with FINDING NEMO Party. A farewell party for one of my student who is leaving us for mainstream. In some way, I was sad to see that he has to leave us but at the same time happy to see that he is moving on to a better setting. I was his first teacher when he first came and was glad to be a part of his life and hope that I have made a difference in his life. As he has definitely made a difference in my life. All my kids have.
FINDING NEMO PARTY-
The classroom was fully decorated with psychedelic streamers...stones (painted by the kids), plastic/ paper fishes & sea creatures drawn and painted by the kids :) and Finding nemo figurines...are the DECO highlight.
My monyetz performed to a crowd of enthusiastic teachers, therapist and friends. They danced to BEACH BOYS tunes. They were dressed in half their birthday suits... in their swimming trunks and swim suits. I was guilty in bribing them to be in such state of sexiness..:). Would lurve to post their pics here...hmmm maybe temporary posting as permission has to be granted. At the end of the performance everybody let their hair down and for me let my tudung floww....to the boggie tunes....:)We boogied till the bell...rinngggg.
Poem by JW dedicated to his friends and his teachers:
Dear Friends,
Friends Forever I might
say! To all of my good friends
We never will forget each other
never never will!
So if you do forget me
I will still remember you forever
For we are always friends!
Thank you for being my friends.
Dear Teachers,
You came into my life and
You have made a difference in my life.
I am a better boy today because of your
Believe in me.
I will always remember you.
Thank you.
Poem dedicated to the teachers:
Dear Teachers,
You didn't blame us for wailing,
You didn't blame us for not listening,
You didn't blame us for all those scratches and pinches,
You didn't blame us for the FRUSTRATIONS,
You didn't take it personal.
We didn't blame you for what you have not done.
Because We love you for what you have done for us.
Thank you.
Poem by his friends dedicated to Jun Wei:
Dear Jun Wei,
We will miss your smile,
We will miss your laughter.
We will miss you.
You have shown in many ways,
That you are good and true.
We will miss you and
We will still love you.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/30/2003 08:17:00 PM
The Love Prayer...
Any one up to the challenge of translating this doa in English...anyone?
Doa Cinta
Bismillah..
Allahu Rabbi aku minta izin
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Jangan biarkan cinta untuk-Mu berkurang
Hingga membuat lalai akan adanya Engkau
Allahu Rabbi
Aku punya pinta
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Penuhilah hatiku dengan bilangan cinta-Mu yang tak terbatas
Biar rasaku pada-Mu tetap utuh
Allahu Rabbi
Izinkanlah bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Pilihkan untukku seseorang yang hatinya penuh dengan kasih-Mu
dan membuatku semakin mengagumi-Mu
Allahu Rabbi
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh hati
Pertemukanlah kami
Berilah kami kesempatan untuk lebih mendekati cinta-Mu
Allahu Rabbi
Pintaku terakhir adalah seandainya kujatuh hati
Jangan pernah Kau palingkan wajah-Mu dariku
Anugerahkanlah aku cinta-Mu...
Cinta yang tak pernah pupus oleh waktu
If he/she creates an ultimate desire for you to be a better person to HIM and HIS creations. He/she maybe the answer to your prayer. Insya Allah.
Let your new found life be bless by HIS blessings.Let it be a journey that lead you to paradise. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/27/2003 01:46:00 AM
NowWhyTwo- OAG
tiada terlintas langsung
nawai2ku untuk menduwakan dirimu
suqa ragaku murka ja-zatmu
tiada terlintas langsung
nawai2ku untuk mempersoalkan caramu
suqa ragaku murka ja-zatmu
tiada yang lain melainkan NYA 3x
Tiada yang maha selain diri-NYA
yang maha mengasehi
yang maha menyayangi
Tiada yang maha selain diri-NYA
yang maha mengerti
yang maha mengampuni..........
Aooohhhhhhwayaya
langsung tiada tercantas
nawai2ku untuk mempersoalkan caramu
suka ragaku murka ja-zatmu
Aooohhhhhhwayaya
tiada yang lain melainkan-NYA
Alaika
Alaika hu alam 4x
I am seeking solace in HIM, for serenity in accepting serendipity. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/24/2003 07:23:00 PM
One moment...
One moment you are laughing...one moment you are smiling and one moment sensitivity sink in...all changes. My feel- o- meter now, LOW...Why? Don't Know. When sensitivity sink in, I will serenade myself with melancholy songs to tempt me to slumberland. And when it failed to tempt me to slumber, i blogged myself to slumber.....n when blogging failed...just let the eyes do the slumbering. Doa is the best remedy.....it has to be.
My fingers are not doing the talking.....I will just let my eyes do the slumbering...
Dear She,
You were my companion when my sensitivity sink it. You "lift" me up and drowned my sensitivity with your unlimited dosage of wisdom. Remember i'm a network away...a dial away. Remember me. Insya Allah, ME be there. Muahssssssss :). Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan.
Yesterday has past. It is going to be better tomorrow. I will pace myself from tomorrow. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/23/2003 12:52:00 AM
Serenity Vs Calamity
When uneasy feelings engulfed your serenity, devilz awakened from their slumber. Let them perish in your prayers. Let HIM ease your calamity.
The Midnight Prayer
Last night I couldn't go to sleep
so I got up and said a prayer,
because I know it's a good thing to do
and angels are always there.
And I know for this prayer lies
a very great reward
in Paradise where treasures especially
for me are stored!
by The Mosque of The Internet
You have been in my prayer....We plan. Let HIM decide..
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/18/2003 10:39:00 PM
The Sinking feeling
I can't stop blogging. in one day i post multiple posts. Today, I posted TWICE. Why? Maybe I have lots to express....reaching the stage of expressing one needs and desire to be someone's someone :).Whether the day will come...I don't know. at times I strongly feel it is possible...n at times this Sinking feeling will sink in. Been about two months since I started blogging...Allhamdulilah I have not strayed from my blogging objective..:)My grammar have been atrocious...n my vocabs...have been limited. But amazingly, that does not deter me from expressing myself...pardon me for my grammatically incorrect...visual expression. It is the sincerity of the visual expression that matters.
Much have been hinted,
Not much have been said.
Much have been shown,
Not much have been said.
Much to be said.
Much to be settled in our thoughts.
Much to digest.
Much burning needs,
and desire to be reached.
The track that has been playing on repeat mode in my mind:-
posted this song before...can't help it...posting it again...:)
Jamrud- Pelangi Di Matamu
tiga puluh menit kita di sini
tanpa suara
dan aku resah harus menunggu lama
kata darimu
mungkin butuh kursus merangkai kata untuk bicara
dan aku benci harus jujur padamu tentang semua ini
jam dinding pun tertawa,
kar'na 'ku hanya diam dan membisu
ingin kumaki diriku sendiri yang tak berkutik di depanmu
ada yang lain di senyummu ,
yang membuat lidahku gugup tak bergerak
ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu 2x
mungkin sabtu nanti kuungkap semua isi di hati
dan akku benci harus jujur padamu tentang semua ini
jam dinding pun tertawa,
kar'na 'ku hanya diam dan membisu
ingin kumaki diriku sendiri yang tak berkutik di depanmu
ada yang lain di senyummu ,
yang membuat lidahku gugup tak bergerak
ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu 2x
Now, let's succumb to waiting hibernation. Just don't let it Stale. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/17/2003 01:33:00 PM
Extreme Makeover...Masya Allah
Watched a makeover show on tcs 5 called Extreme Makeover. The so called lucky contestants were selected to undergo EXTREME MAKEOVER that includes.....plastic surgery to superficially remove their imperfections. Masya Allah...Every episodes 3 "lucky" contestants are chosen. All 3 contestants do not have any drastic imperfections...just minute facial flaws...like hook nose...extra buckle fat on the cheeks...extra fats...n normal facial flaw complaints that we at times indulged to. They might have find their HEAVEN on earth...but those beautify experiences have gained them a place in....Masya Allah.
I am guilty of indulging myself to "imperfection complaints"...Lots of time I complained to have clear porcelain skin..lean lower body to fit any pants i desire..:)...buckle fat free face to look awww sweet with tudung on...I complainnnnnn. But whenever I see permanent dastric physical imperfections that others have to endure...and they have to live with it...I thank HIM. Allhamdulillah for what I have.
Every single visitation that I receive from my little sister called Pimples and Big Brother called Acne...I asked myself what have I done wrong this time?...Did I? Maybe I miss my prayer...maybe I forgor HIM for a moment...Maybe I praise myself to a great height...Maybe.
Daily prayer while donning yourself infront of the mirror:
"Puji bagi Allah, Ya Tuhanku, sebagaimana Engkau telah membaguskan rupaku, maka baguskanlah budi pekertiku."
About a year ago....I read the daily prayer aboved as:" Puji bagi Allah, Ya Tuhanku, sebagaimana Engkau telah membaguskan budi pekertiku, maka baguskan rupaku"..total opposite :). and I had a major facial discrepancy. I looked horrendous. I succumbed myself to isolation. Relinquish my social life. Probably this was HIS way to show me to better myself. Insya Allah.
Allah has created woman from:
Woman was made from the rib of man. She was not made created from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be stepped upon. She was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, near his heart to be loved by him
HE has created every part of our being with reasons and HE has given us the BEST.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/17/2003 12:17:00 PM
SPIRITUAL STANDING OF WOMEN ...We may lead THEM to Heaven and We may lead them to Hell....
These Hadiths are too "beautiful"...to be ignored...let's reminisce our past deeds to be a better UMAT...and of course a better WOMAN ..:)
The Hadith describes the good wife as follows:
"The virtuous wife, if her husband bids her, she obeys him; if he looks at her, she pleases him; if he gives her an oath; she fulfils it, and if he is absent from her, she guards herself and his property."[142] (Ibn Magah)
"The best women are those who have the prettiest faces and the cheapest dowry."[143]--->Ladies take note of this....don't suffocate your man or drown him to bankruptcy...:). A male acquaintance once asked me, "Where do you live?" and when i told him I live in the eastern part of S'pore. He told me that the value of dowry at my area is very HIGH. Hahaha...Nonsense..:P. Such a shallow thinking...He has to be MAT KAHWIN2...
"The good wife is out of this world because she helps free you to concentrate on the life to come. She does that by doing her house duties (instead of the husband having to do them), and by satisfying the husband sexually so protecting him from sexual temptation."[144]
Although women protect man's eternal destiny, by guarding them against committing adultery, they themselves are perceived as being very dangerous to men.
Ghazali reported the following Hadith:
"When a woman comes she comes in the form of a devil."[145]
And it is believed that the majority of them will end up in Hell.
Dr. M. al-Buti addresses Muslim Girls saying, "Know that this temptation which afflicts the man is due to you."[147]
Commenting on the Qur'an 3:13 (Decked out fair to men is the love of lusts- Women, children, heaped up heaps of gold and silver, horses of mark, cattle and tillage.)
Dr. Buti said:
"God regarded woman as the first ranking lusts which He placed in the way of mankind... The woman then is absolutely the greatest affliction in a man's life."[148]
"The prophet of Allah said to Fatima, his daughter, 'What is best for a woman?' She replied, 'That she does not see a man and not be seen by a man'. He being pleased with her answer hugged her and said, 'An offspring resembling its origin.' The companions used to block the windows and the holes in the walls of their houses, so that the women do not look to men. ... 'Omar said, 'Do not dress the women (nicely) and they will remain inside the house' for they will not go outside in tattered clothes. He also said, 'Get your women used to the word 'No'."[149]
Bukhari recorded the following Hadith:
'O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women)."[150]
And Muslim recorded:
"Amongst the inmates of Paradise the women would form the minority."[151]
Dr. Mohammad al-Buti, a modern writer sees that the reason the majority of women will end up in Hell is because they fail in their most important task thus causing men to stumble.[152]
Thus women represent the greatest stumbling block to men's worship and their eternal destiny as the following Hadith state:
"Had it not been for women, God would have truly, truly been worshipped."[153]
"There is no calamity I fear on my nation more than women and wine."[154]
"Men perished, the day they obeyed the women."[155]
We may lead THEM to heaven and also to HELL fire...It is our duty and responsibility to lead the path to heaven for US and for THEM.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/15/2003 09:01:00 PM
CPR Anyone...?
Feeling Suffocated...
Feeling Agitated...
Still Undecided...
This heavy feeling comes and goes...
In school...
My monyetz have been WOWnderful. Their autistic forte still there but it seems that the more space I am giving them to EXPLORE and to GROW...the "less autistic" they are becoming. I know there's no cure to autism but with our help...insya Allah we will be able to make this WORLD a more adaptable place for them to live in.
I've realized that whenever I am having my one to one time with a child....I tend to get emotional...I always end it with a hug...I am getting very huggyyyy..:). Is it because I am leaving ? I will miss them.
Soon I will be there...Will it be the same here and better for US? I don't know.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/14/2003 10:13:00 PM
Changes....
It has just been abt 2 months since i started blogging...n my blogspot has undergone multiple uplifts....:) hmmm..this one still not e best. Not too sure how long will this new layout will last...depends on my interest spans..
As much changes this blogspot has undergone...much changes have taken place in my life. The "coming" of new beings. Not one...not two but....I will be leaving soon...and....
One I hope for...
One I need for...
One I want for...
And One is For ?
Is HE the one?
At times...or would I say most of the time...I BLOGGed for my own "understanding". Perceive it in your own "understanding"....
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/11/2003 10:59:00 PM
Mercy Killing...
Since I found the articles that I posted earlier....that gruesome discovery...lead to more and more discoveries. I remembered one of the most publicised case that happened in1998.
The death case of a 13 year old girl with severe autism, that caused an uproar within the Special Needs Community. Stephanie Jobin, was suffocated to death in a group home for those with Special needs in Ontario, Canada. The caregivers claimed that they resorted to physical restraint as to prevent her from attacking them.They pinned her face down on the floor, placed a beanbag chair on her chest, with a staff member sitting on the bean bag, another staff holding down her feet. They claimed it to be a crisis intervention technique as to prevent her from injuring others from her attacks or attempts at self-injury.
During the incident, which lasted about 20 minutes, Stephanie began to turn blue and the workers called 911. But her breathing had stopped and she suffered severe brain damage. Her father was never told the true cause of her death.
Read on at...Stephanie Jobin
The "rationale" behind Mercy Killing.....TOTAL BULL****
The excuse often used to justify murder of autistics is that the autistic will never have a high quality of life - he'll be confined to an institution, he won't be able to communicate, and he won't even be able to experience the emotions of joy, happiness, and love. THEY can with our HELP.
HEAVENS VERY SPECIAL CHILD
A meeting was held, quite far from Earth!
It's time again, for another birth.
Said the Angels, to the Lord above,
This special child will need much love.
His progress may be very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.
He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem, quite far away,
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.
So let's be careful where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.
They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.
And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.
by Edna Massionilla
If your child, is not perfect or what you hoped for, God has not punished, you for past deeds. He has given you an opportunity that you may not yet understand. Make the most of the situation, for you are in it for a purpose, and there are rewards, that you never imagined possible.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/10/2003 04:35:00 PM
Are some lives unworthy of life?...I'm disgusted
I was surfing....and was grief stricken and disgusted to come across this piece of SHOCKING infos...
Got the article below from Murder of Autistics
Murder of Autistics
This is the most difficult page to write on my site. The reason it is difficult is that these atrocities are still happening today - autistics are being killed simply because they are autistic. I'm sorry, but these pages will be hard for anyone who has respect for the lives of autistics to read. There is simply no way to present this subject without causing pain - especially in those who relate to the dead. But this subject must be presented, and I must write about it, in the hope that even one murder could be prevented by the words here.
I will also warn the reader that I do not attempt to relate to, condone, or otherwise understand the actions of the murderers. Their acts can not be justified, nor will they be justified on this site.
Sentences Received
In most cases, the courts have found the parents, doctors, or caregivers who caused the death of these autistics guilty. However, it is only rarely for murder, and sentences tend to be very light. (note that I do not have sentencing information for all the murders on this page) For example:
Casey Albury's Mother - 5 months, manslaughter (Casey was strangled)
Dale Bartolome's Father - committed suicide (Dale was shot)
Charles Blais's Mother - 23 month suspended sentence - 1 year in halfway house, no jail time served (Charles was drowned)
Gabriel Britt - trial is still in progress (Gabriel was suffocated)
Mitchell Dickson's Mother - original arraignment dismissed, awaiting possible re-arraignment (Mitchell bled to death after being stabbed)
Brahim Dukes's Stepmother - trial is still in progress (Brahim was starved)
Matthew Goodman's caregivers - Fines for abuse, neglect, and leaving Matthew in restraints unattended; no criminal charges, however (Matthew Goodman died as a result of receiving too much medication and being improperly restrained)
Stephanie Jobin's caregivers - While an inquest was held, this was not a court trial and did not result in any judgment against the home (Stephanie died from suffocation after being restrained under a beanbag and the weight of several caregivers)
Justin Malphus's Mother - Life + 60 years in prison, murder; social workers faced 15 and 20 day suspensions due to improperly investigating Justin's circumstances prior to his murder (Justin was drowned)
Pierre Pasquiou's Mother - 3 year suspended sentence (Pierre was drowned)
Mark Owens-Young-Rogan's Mother - committed suicide (Mark's mother jumped off a bridge with him)
Tanaka's Father - 3 year suspended sentence, no time served (Takana was strangled)
Willie Wright's caregivers - no consequences of any kind (Willie died due to the way he was restrained in a mental hospital)
Out of the cases mentioned here, only one received a significant sentence. Many did not serve any jail time, and others felt no consequences at all for their actions. For comparison, I searched for murders of non-autistic children, and picked the first 5 I saw that did not involve sexual assault (note that some of the autistics murdered were not children, although most were):
A Johannesburg South African man was jailed for 8 years for simply planning the murder of his child
Megan Dail's murderer, a drunk driver, was sentenced to life+26 months for causing an accident which killed 4 year-old Megan
Ashley Smithson's Mother's boyfriend was sentenced to life without parole for beating 2 year-old Ashley to death
Nahaman Carmona Lopez, a 13 year old Guatemalan street kid, was murdered by 4 police officers who kicked him to death. The four officers were sentenced to 12 years imprisonment and ordered to pay a total of 20,000 Quetzales to the boy's mother
Kennedy McFarlane's Mother's boyfriend was sentenced to life in prison for beating 3 year-old Kennedy to death.
The obvious conclusion is awful. A man who planned on murdering his child or who got into a car accident after drinking faces years in prison while parents who planned and executed the murder of their children get off without any jail time, simply because their children happened to be autistic.
More at....Murder of Autistics
Are they HUMAN?...GOD is fair.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/10/2003 01:56:00 AM
Everything still new to me....
New...layout...not perfect but better...constant upgrading will be done. Just can't stand misalignments. I have short interest span...new layout will keep appearing when I'm all boot up..:)You have to stay to one dear...:)
It wasn't a Joke...
It is just a matter of making the right choice,
and the right decision.
It wasn't a Joke...It is for the better. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/09/2003 02:14:00 PM
I have BOOTed UP....
Had a plate of cockles..."bowl" :) of laughter....met new concubines opps...new acquaintances. Insya Allah for the better. TWO in one nite...WOWnderful...:)
I am all PERK up tonite ...I will not quarantine myself in my comfort zone...I will be opened to ALL possibilities...I shall welcome any halal beings...:)Why wasn't I OPEN to all these possibilities 6 years ago? TOO shy...perhaps not now.
It was one for the little girl who lives down the lane...now...it is...?
TEARs in your heart is more painful than TEARs in your eyes...no eye mo...for that...=|.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 11:51:00 PM
I think it is a Joke...
I think it is a Joke...
I sense you laughing.
And you find it amusing.
I think it is a Joke...
You were laughing while I'm waiting.
And you are amused with what you are doing.
I think it is a Joke...
I am bemused,
And I am puzzled.
I think it is a Joke...
As I have no patience for your disappearance.
No hoping...No craving...will make me a happier me. Insya Allah.
Thank you for the shortlived moments.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 08:07:00 PM
Changing Resolution....
I've just realized that my blogspot layout appear differently on pc systems with different screen resoultions. I have been editing my blogspot on my system that carries screen resolution of 1024x 768. It looks fine... the way I want my blogspot to be. But when I opened my blogspot on system that carries screen resolution of 800x 600... it looked all OUTTTT...hate this....I am stimulating already....flapping my hands in anger....arrgh the autistic "steaming" in me.
So I thought, I've made a smart action by changing my system screen resolution to 800x 600....so that I can edit my blogspot in that format...But YUCKS....my screen looked "constipated"...but anyway since I was informed that most pc system.... screen resolution of 800x 600...hmm i thought y not cater to this larger viewers....but...but....but...problems not solved...hmmm...maybe new layout to come...once i boot up :).
Cindy...need ur professional help...:) FOC..ok
Booting up.....
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/08/2003 06:37:00 PM
Lots of changes will be taking place in my life soon....
.....will be moving to a new abode. I'm looking forward to my new abode but not looking forward to share my comfort zone with my sister. Yesh...I am a selfish sister, I won't denied that :). Although I am the eldest child but I am more "manja", where else my sister is more submissive :).
I will be leaving on a jet plane soon to a strange land to reach higher learning. Hopefully, it will be a platform for me to reach my dream. I can't believe I'm going to be away in a strange land...alone. All alone. Will I be leaving my motherland with commitment in hand?. I have been asking questions which I have no answers to. I hope the answers will come soon as uncomfortable feeling is welling inside of me. I "detest" every moments this feeling seems to take control of my immune system. My immune system might shut down soon, if no actions are taken. Very soon.
Is this a Joke?
I'm not laughing.
I don't find it amusing.
Is this a Joke?
Are you laughing while I'm waiting?
Are you amused with what you are doing?
Is this a Joke?
I'm bemused with your actions.
I'm puzzled with your presence.
If this is a Joke,
I have no tolerance for your actions.
Give the last laugh and say goodbye.
I may not re-energize tomorrow...
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/06/2003 11:40:00 PM
Don't Blame THEM !!!
Don't blame them for wailing,
Don't blame them for not listening,
Don't blame them for all those scratches and pinches,
Don't blame them for the FRUSTRATIONS,
Don't blame them for NOT learning,
Don't take it personal.
Look back and reflect on what we have not done,
and what we could have done....better.
DON'T BLAME THEM!!!
One of my kids ever told me not once but MOREEE than once, "Teacher Fadzilah, you're SO UNFAIR." He was right. I wouldn't denied, at times being HUMAN I did not realized of those UNFAIR moments in disciplining them. He was RIGHT. I DON'T BLAME him. I accepted it and will mend my ways.
Blaming is not an answer to your frustrations. Don't Seek Solace...Seek Solutions.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/06/2003 11:12:00 PM
Singlehood vs Marriage
I was browsing the website for articles on Sex in Islam. Opps. Why? Just innocent pure thoughts of curiousity. No more...No Less.:) As I was in a conversation with my dear fren on some religious issues and yups we did cover the Sex bit...a bit..tiny bit. Curiousity kills the cat :).
And found the topics that I have posted before while surfing...not related with Sex in Islam. Sorry :). Next time, perhaps.
Singlehood is (qouted this from a website) - In preparation for meeting your soul mate, now is the time to develop the burning desire to give. Singlehood is the time to practice becoming a giver. Look around you for opportunities to develop as a giver. Are there poor people? Sick? An elderly neighbor? A lonely relative? Get out of your mindset and see how the other person thinks. This is the first step towards meaningful giving, to becoming the greatest "you" -- in preparation for your soul mate.
At times when i reflected on my current status as a Single woman, I am glad that I was given the time to develop the craving, the absolute burning desire to give. To give whatever needs and wants to my family, my friends and community. I was also given the time to develop the real ME, with no references to anyone that I was infatuated with. I have been making my own decisions with my parents blessing. I went to places and met people that "create" the HUMANE woman I am today.
If I have been spending most part of my singlehood with someone whom I am infatuated with, Will I be the woman I am today?, Will I be able to make my own decisions to go places I want to go OR meeting people that I want to meet OR etc. etc. I'm glad... I was given the time to GROW "alone".
Now, going to 24. Status: Single. Ambition/ Dreams Vs Commitment/ Marriage are feuding in my mind. Which will weigh more on a "Prioritize Scale"?. Which are the needs and which are the wants ?. If I do give in to my desire to be loved, will i be forsaking the sunnah. As a muslim, though I may not be classified under the pious range, I try to be a better muslim each day to HIM and HIS creations. Being a muslim, it is my duty to avoid indulging myself in sinful acts. At times, it is easier to disacknowledge rather than acknowledge our islamic duties as the satanz are working 24 hours shift.
Now, at this moment, I'm not ready to be someone's wife. But I can't answer for tomorrow. Allah knows best. When the time comes, the time comes....then I won't be asking questions that I have no answers to. Fate. I planned, HE decides.
To be pondered....These Qur'anic Injunctions are too beautiful to be ignored...
Importance of Marriage in Islam
Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquillity according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger.
The Qur'an says:
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best. (16:72)
"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." (Hadith - Al-Bukhari)
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." (Al-Bukhari)
The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,
"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."
These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by taqwa.
Conditions of Marriage
Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (mandub).
In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride:
"Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."
In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.
Since believing men and women are referred to in the Qur'an, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.
The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Holy Qur'an.
When the time comes....the time comes. It takes two to plan, HE to decide.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/03/2003 09:10:00 PM
Insomniac disease is back...Counting my monyetz to slumber.
Monyetz- the term used for my darlingz students, my joy.
I couldn't tempt myself to slumber. Left turn, right turn, SEDIA, PUSING. Did several rounds on my bed. Gave up and decided to blog to slumberland. Will have to wake up before sunrise. Insya Allah can. Tomorow, my monyetz, me and 4 other teachers will be attending a brunch party at the Istana to meet Mr President, in conjunction with our country's birthday. I will be mama panda with my monyetz walking in twos if i do not submit to slumberland soon.
Today, had an early morning to commit a community deed. Afternoon, submit to slumberland after a tiring morning. Nite, commit a religious deed. :)
Hmmm...What shall i blog to slumber?
hmmm..ok. Recently, I have been thinking about one of my monyetz. Last term, I was yearning for his attention and "LOVE". This term, gained his attention and "LOVE" ...yeahhhh.
The Yearning....
My monyetz: The Egoist, 8 years old, mild autism
Special traits: Speaks in a loud voice with a "Very english" accent. Tends to engage in a conversation with his imaginary friend which he refused to introduce to me. Talks to peers/ teachers by placing his palm in from of the person's face and turn his face away. Walk with a "funny" stride. Has dificulty in accepting corrections for his mistakes. EGO..:).
Others: Early last term, he seemed to "detest" me. As a stepmother in class, my responsibility is to hold an "imaginary" cane to discipline the class. He has difficulty in understanding the rationale behind my disciplinary measures. Whenever I am carrying out my discplinary rounds, he will gave me "angry stares". He often told me off, "Teacher, you are SOOOOO UNFAIR!." He avoided total physical contact with me and avoid calling my name.
Attention has to be gained...My actions.
Slowly....I tried to engage him in 1: 1 quality time with me, away from his peers. I shared with him my role as a teacher and the needs in disciplining him and his peers. I give him frequent pats on his back and reinforces him with praises when he performs/ behaves satisfactorily. Slowly...those pats on his back.."upgrade" to more "physical contacts"....-> "hugs" on his shoulder and more "connections"...:)
An awww incident happened early this term, I showed the class, my photo during a Hari Raya visiting, since our theme for the week was 'Respecting other races culture". He stared at my pic and said, " You wear this funny clothes (baju kurung)...hehe..but you looked pretty...wah". He hold the pic like his prize possession. I was smiling from ear to ear...hehe...to receive such compliment from a child with autism who has difficulty in expressing his thoughts and feelings is a rare moment which I always treasure. I teased him, " You like it so much. You want to keep the photo is it?". Unexpectedly, he said, "Yeahhhhhhh" and carefully kept it in his bag. The last time I checked, it is still in his bag front pocket. I asked his maid about it and she mentioned that he insisted to keep the pic in his bag and occasionally take it out to show her. He has a crush...with an older lady...hheh and it's me...Woohooo.
He taught me that...
I can be rigid,
I can be stubborn,
I can be loud,
I can be aloof,
I can be changed if you help me to.
*Yawninggggg...
Forty winks for better tomorrow. Insya Allah.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/03/2003 03:44:00 AM
Flu- Stricken Week Has Ended...yeehaa
Allhamdulillah...I am well, up and healthy. The flu bugs seemed to be contaminating the air around me. The MC rate in my school was increasing for the past few weeks, glad to see the no. of mc rate is declining.
Had a Star- Strucked Week...
Monday- Four of my princes were chosen to appear in a short promo ad for the upcoming President's Star Charity. Fann Wong and 3 other TCS 8 actress were there. All of them looked "PLASTIC" opps...
1st was their procelain faces...not a single crack line...gosh how thick can their make up be or they are naturally bless with procelain skin...gee i guessed i was just being jealous :P.
2nd...their superficial act...just sooo superficial.
Tuesday- Was star- strucked the day before...got the flu- bug. Denied being sick the previous nite. But the flu bug caught me off gut in the morning. Before I could avoid it, I was flu- stricken. Slumbered till abt. 12pm...and went to get my prescriptions.
Wednesday- Was still flu- stricken. The "happening" of an unpleasant episode. Put up a healthy front and attended school. Appeared in a minute scene on a local "documentary" for Channel News Asia. Wanna know more about it. Catch my flu- stricken face 15th August...at about 9pm on CNA.
Thursday- Still in denial, though the flu bugs were contaminating my health. Got up from my slumber, with a boogie- head and a "Man's" voice...dressed for school...sent home and headed for my $3.00 MC..:). I started to feel good...and hope everything will be fine from here.
Friday- Up and awake...still with a "semi- Man's" voice"...went to school in high- spirit. Went to class, and one of my princes...came up to me...put his hands around me and said," Do you know, I miss you?". Gosh....he "melt" me. I looked at him, gave him a hug and said, "I miss you much much more.". He replied, "Oh, really.", and walked back to his seat. One moment, they made u feel warmth and then they are back to their oblivious mode. But I have never lurve them less :). Thank you my dear prince, you cure me :).
It just takes small thoughtful gestures...to show your love, care and concern.
Insomniac disease strucked at 8/01/2003 10:25:00 PM
Disembarking.
|I'm leaving|
|I'm leaving|
Life is a Cycle of Serendipity.
I plan. HE decides.
HE has other plans for me.
When HEloves you.
HE creates obstacles for you to learnt from.
HE creates challenges to make you love HIM more.
HE will never forsake you.
BecauseHEtruly loves you.
Every challenges comes with pleasant suprises.
Insya Allah.
HEtaught me.
I have learnt from it.
HE is guiding me towards the lighted path.
HE will always be in my heart.
HE will always be on my mind.
Allah, I love you.
Thank you, Allah.
Serenade to..
You Are Never Alone
by Zain Bhikha